Relax and Get Quiet
I’m feeling really great about today. I’m combining my meditation with squeezing a stress ball while I wait for my meds to work, so I can shower with panicking because I love being clean and I even love watching water, even though I am hydrophobic. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m not drowning, that I’m safe, but the four-year-old me who went through that still asserts herself if I don’t take precautions. Being told how brave I am for not running out of the shower (again, I like being clean; I also like not getting water all over my bathroom), but doing that only made that panic attack that day so much worse. I’m taking precautions because I’m remembering it’s a new day and I can always think of solutions like yoga and meditation to calm myself and playing music when I’m in my bathroom so I’m not bogged down with obsessive thoughts and can give myself the care I deserve and yearn for. I wasn’t aware of my hydrophobia until about five years ago, which is a long time, but now that I am, I can reflect on those responses my body made out of terror that my conscious mind couldn’t remember. I want to officially, steadily learn to swim. I think it would help a ton.