3 min

Reframing “Shoulds”

3 Min
Healthy Mind
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Hannah Castillo
Mental Health Counselor
A should statement is a type of negative thinking pattern. “Shoulds” lead to judgment and can trigger feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. With practice, you can begin to identify and work on reframing your “Shoulds.”
From the community
12 reflections
B
Beth
Should
I think we all struggle with “shoulds” sometimes. Thank you for tools to help reframe these thoughts.
JM
Jeanne Marie
Should…
I’ve been trapped inside my “should have’s” for quite some time…thanks for opening the door to change for me!
G
GMO
Should
This was a good one. I use should a lot and it does cause anxiety. Will work at changing my vocabulary and being so hard on myself.
R
Roger
Should reframed can make all the difference moving forward
The simple reframing of a word can have a multiplier effect on your moment, day and on. Certain words carry a heavy guilt albeit unconscious which can slow us down…
J
Jo
Shoulds
I say should in my head all day long I never feel like I can be doing nothing like it’s lazy or I’m wasting time 😢 I have to stop that . If I start my morning with weights I think my mindset would better adjust itself
D
Donald
Shoulds
I feel relieved already after listening to this. Relief. I’m surprised this was so easy to realize.
L
Lee
Shoulds
My shoulds are external, as in, he should do this. She shouldn’t do this. They should… and hence the judgement is on others, making them all good or all bad based on unrealistic expectations. I need to reframe shoulds to include circumstances and environment and uncontrollable factors. There should be balance. I would like it if… but I can’t control… I would like it if… but it’s okay if…
I
Isabella
Reflection
I liked the concrete language examples of positive productive self talk she gave towards the end of the meditation. For example, changing “I should be better” to “I would have preferred to make a better choice in that situation” may help me to invite less guilt and judgement towards myself to more productive self-reflection where I can make a different choice. I’m going to try to implement these changes in my thoughts.
S
Suzanne
Shoulda woulda coulda
Are my self criticisms realistic ? Negative self talk is a habit that undermines confidence. Don’t try harder, try smarter being as kind to yourself as you would a friend or loved one you know is doing the best they can until they have more understanding, more information and new tools to work through self doubt into realistic expectations.
K
Kyle
Awareness
I constantly compare myself with others as my sense of validation. I scan my surroundings to ensure that I am the best of what I am doing, even if I am doing nothing. I prefer to be proud of my accomplishments and my current role in this universe, either big or small.
M
Marianne
Shoulds
I say/think this a lot. I’m hard on myself but can also just give up on shoulds.
D
Donna
Critic
I’ve found that I beat myself up a lot. Today I commit to abusing my best friend—me.