Reframing “Shoulds”

Should

I think we all struggle with “shoulds” sometimes. Thank you for tools to help reframe these thoughts.

Should…

I’ve been trapped inside my “should have’s” for quite some time…thanks for opening the door to change for me!

Should

This was a good one. I use should a lot and it does cause anxiety. Will work at changing my vocabulary and being so hard on myself.

Should reframed can make all the difference moving forward

The simple reframing of a word can have a multiplier effect on your moment, day and on. Certain words carry a heavy guilt albeit unconscious which can slow us down…

Shoulds

I say should in my head all day long I never feel like I can be doing nothing like it’s lazy or I’m wasting time 😢 I have to stop that . If I start my morning with weights I think my mindset would better adjust itself

Shoulds

I feel relieved already after listening to this. Relief. I’m surprised this was so easy to realize.

Shoulds

My shoulds are external, as in, he should do this. She shouldn’t do this. They should… and hence the judgement is on others, making them all good or all bad based on unrealistic expectations. I need to reframe shoulds to include circumstances and environment and uncontrollable factors. There should be balance. I would like it if… but I can’t control… I would like it if… but it’s okay if…

Reflection

I liked the concrete language examples of positive productive self talk she gave towards the end of the meditation. For example, changing “I should be better” to “I would have preferred to make a better choice in that situation” may help me to invite less guilt and judgement towards myself to more productive self-reflection where I can make a different choice. I’m going to try to implement these changes in my thoughts.

Shoulda woulda coulda

Are my self criticisms realistic ? Negative self talk is a habit that undermines confidence. Don’t try harder, try smarter being as kind to yourself as you would a friend or loved one you know is doing the best they can until they have more understanding, more information and new tools to work through self doubt into realistic expectations.

Awareness

I constantly compare myself with others as my sense of validation. I scan my surroundings to ensure that I am the best of what I am doing, even if I am doing nothing. I prefer to be proud of my accomplishments and my current role in this universe, either big or small.

Shoulds

I say/think this a lot. I’m hard on myself but can also just give up on shoulds.

Critic

I’ve found that I beat myself up a lot. Today I commit to abusing my best friend—me.

Shoulds Equal Shame

I learned that I’m too hard on myself because of all the shoulds. This only works to set me back further.

Reframing with intention

The words we speak to ourselves with are so powerful. I appreciated learning how to reconsider how I think of myself.

Learning to reframe my thoughts

Through therapy, I’ve discovered that I use “shoulds” a lot, and I have been trying to reframe them but was struggling with how to do that. Thank you for suggesting replacements such as, “I would have liked” and “I would have preferred”. This will make it easier for me to reframe those negative thoughts, with practice. Thank you!

Shoulds

I learned that i use shoulds so much, would be better to replace it for I would prefer that…

Excellent reframing from I should to I would prefer if

I learned that changing my language and replacing the word should for ‘I would prefer if’ takes away self judgement. I did not realise how negative and judgemental the word should is in my thoughts and language. It feels so much more positive and less judgemental and harsh to use ‘I would prefer if’ and that impacts self self worth, and self esteem and confidence. For example - instead or saying ‘I should have arrived on time’ replace with ‘I would prefer if I had arrived on time’

Shoulds

I noticed that this word is used a lot in my life. I thought of my father. Sometimes in an inexplicable way I have felt pressurised by him, made to feel claustrophobic, frightened and not good enough. My dad uses the word “should” with such a heavy weight and such a little word has formed a huge pressure on me and on my life.

Shoulds

Shoulds kept me low for such a long period of my life. This was such a good reminder.

Reframing “Should”

Some words paint a picture that doesn’t capture the entire situation, which can lead to a negative framing. For example, “I should have presented this idea differently” can lead to feelings of inaptitude or guilt. Instead, I can say “I would have preferred to present the idea this way” for more constructive, less negative, feedback.