2 min preview
Get Started Free

Guilt Vs Shame

3 Min
Life Coaching
5.5k+ Plays
300+ Favorites

Avatar
Cass Carlopio
Sleep Expert, Psychologist & Meditation
This short talk on the mindset difference between guilt and shame describes how guilt is a protective and helpful experience, whereas shame can keep people stuck.
From the community
49 reflections
R
Rachel
Simple but effective
I am inclined to shame myself. I can now remember the words from this track to work on shifting it: guilt begets change, shame begets shame. I can forgive myself and move on.
M
Mona
I felt all these days I was a bad person because of what I did, but from that I have changed a lot !
Now I understood I changed because I was guilty, though people around me had put me down n make me feel shame! I have the ability to change into good, it means I am not a bad person !
L
Lisa
Fire Your Soul To Purpose Through Guilt
There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that drowns you until you’re useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose. Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for shame, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.
K
Krissella
I felt...
This really allows me to reflect on past situations and see how my THINKING effected me, my choices and my future behaviors and the way those situation has shaped me now. I will put into use my power of thinking to avoid shame and instead be a willing learner of my guilt.
C
Carlos
Guilt vs shame
The main difference between guilt and shame is, guilt is doing something bad. Shame is thinking you are bad. Guilt brings change.
S
Susie
informed
This life coaching has made me aware that I have been feeling shame with no valid reason to do so. I know I'm not a bad person, but that mindset has some how been ingrained in me. I am very glad to have listened to this, because now I know the difference. Now I just need to work on the mental shift.
S
Sharmain
Watch your thoughts.
I love the last three sentences and how it remind us that our thoughts affect our actions directly and indirectly, and that we have the power to choose whether our actions can be good or bad.
B
Barb
Guilt vs shame
This gives me a really useful distinction between the two! Guilt brings about change - I did something wrong, feel lousy about it, will endeavor to not do it again - while shame puts me in a different category: my whole self is bad, change is not possible. And the emphasis on self-talk was useful as well.
J
Jose
Guilt vs Shame
I learned to separate the two in this exercise, to let go of those feelings as well.
S
Susie
Guilt vs Shame
Extremely insightful lesson. I need to work on my self talk and this is a great place to begin.🙏🏻
E
Elisabeth
Lesson learned
I may feel guilty about something that I did or how I acted/reacted. Then, I will be less likely to repeat the unwanted behavior. However, shaming myself with negative self talk - thinking, I can’t believe I did that or I was so stupid to do that, may lead me to do it again. Nobody is perfect. Be kind to yourself or no one else will.
L
Laura
Shame v guilt
Wow, this is one way to brake down two words that are often used interchangeably, but are not the same thing by ANY means. I have often had those thoughts of I AM, but realize that when I say that, I DO feel down. When I think/say I DID something I wasn’t particularly proud of I HAVE noticed change. I have been told to not fee guilty or do things out of guilt, and now I am questioning that bc I now see it as a positive response/ self talk I stead of a negative. Thank you Brune brown of I might not be spelling it right. Checking out her videos NOW.
S
Sydney
Guilt v Shame
I often joke about my failures. Not in a funny way, but in a belittling sort of way. I also add demeaning commentary regarding myself in explanations and apologies. “Can you clarify xyz? I’m sorry this is so last minute, I’m a terrible person.” I guess I thought this was a positive coping mechanism, but now I realize it is perpetuating my negative self talk which is not only bad for me, but also models poor behavior. It’s interesting often we hurt ourselves unintentionally. Thank you for explaining these dynamics so I can work toward changing these unhealthy habits for myself, as well as correcting/enlightening others the next time a hear self- deprecating humor.
R
Rijeana
Very nice
This was very helpful for what I have been experiencing inside of myself/my words to myself
M
Maggie
This was great for me today
I have always had issues with “shame thinking.” I have always tried to practice this concept when arguing with other people, but I had never applied it to myself in this context. I will say that this type of thinking does compound. Yesterday I unexpectedly lost two family members in the same day, unrelated to each other. While I was crying last night I found myself apologizing repeatedly to them both, though I had no reason to feel guilt or shame, as there was nothing at all I could have done for either of them. Listening to this today, I recognize that response as a build up of “shame thinking” over years and years.
J
Jake
Self talk with borderline personality disorder
I find it nearly impossible for myself to shift from “I’m a bad person” to “I did something bad”. I think it comes from the severe depression I experience along with borderline, and severe chemical addictions. I want to be that person that I think is good. For myself, for my daughter. Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I can’t do it.
WJ
Walter J
Acting...
This was a helpful session to understand the difference between: Guilt - I did a bad thing & I can do better & Shame - I am a bad person. I see this as going back to parenting. A parent can use Guilt to help a child make better decisions for more beneficial outcomes. This is simply done by scolding the Action of the child, not the child. “Johnny that was a bad thing you did! I expect better from you!” This will help develop a healthy Guilt feeling to guide the child thru a lifetime of making more beneficial decisions. Unfortunately many parents are using Shame & scolding the Actor, instead of the Action. “Johnny that was wrong, why are you so stupid? This can lead to Shame & a lifetime of bad choices. Big difference!! Blame the Action not the Actor! Namaste ❤️☮️🍀
L
Laura
Guilt
Focus on action will lead to changed behavior versus blanketing myself with a negative label, which in a way is acceptance. I can see what I did that if rather not do without believing that is simply who I am internally.
M
Mitko
Enlightening
The simple difference and shift came as a revelation to me. I never thought about the subtle differences before. Thankful I can be more observant now and pay attention to my self-talk
C
Cherrykim
Great
Téting Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing
D
Donna
The difference between guilt and shame is the self talk.
With guilt we tell ourselves I did something bad but for shame we tell ourselves I am bad. Guilt focuses only on behavior and actually can/often does lead to changing behaviors.
W
William
Guilt
Cassandra, powerful! New knowledge, guilt begets change, guilt has positive qualities! Transition shame to guilt! Thanks.
I
Ivana
Never thought of this this way
I learned. I do not want to write more and more and more. I wante to stop
K
Krishna
Guilt
I felt that, After listening to this I could tell that the feeling inside me is the feeling of guilt and not shame and maybe someday with all the guilt inside me, I will hopefully change💙
J
Jennifer
Guilt vs Shame
I feel guilty a lot, but I didn’t realize the negative self talk I was doing sometimes turned that to shame. I hope being more cognizant of my guilt will allow positive change
C
Champagne
Guilt vs Shame
I learned that I am often shameful. I felt relief identifying with what I’ve been doing to myself and that there’s hope to change my way of thinking and change my behavior rather than sulking over it.
I
Ivette
Guilt Vs Shame
I learned that after doing something bad positive change can grow from that experience but only if your self-talk does not lead you to feeling shameful.
G
Grayden
Guilt vs Shame
I realized that Shame makes me just accept my mistakes as a part of my personality, where as guilt can be a motivator to grow above that mistake, and I never really saw the difference
M
Minh
Shame vs Guilt
Sometimes I can’t differentiate between shame and guilt because I was raised with both coinciding together and it wad hard to separate the two.
A
April
Forgive
I learned that it is okay to make mistakes and to feel guilty for things I’ve done. That guilt is a feeling not who I am. Everyone makes mistakes and hurts people and everyone can change and do better. I did not I am is the thoughts to focus on when making a mistake and changing myself or rather not doing those actions again.
S
SK
Guilt is good
I learned that guilt is not a bad thing and can positively affect behaviour change.
M
Mia
i think..
controlling your actions is hard but just think before you do something, words can really hurt.
C
Catriona
Shame
Shame regulation is such a struggle, but this session really helps you begin to categorise what you’re feeling as either actionable guilt, or self-flagellating shame. Giving yourself permission to let go of your shame and to be proactive with your guilt is a great step towards connecting with your true self.
M
Manny
It brought a tear to my eye as I listened to this story withh my 11 year old boy It made me happ that he paid it forward to help the woman in her time of need
Always be kind. It’s the right thing to do. It brought a tear to my eye as I listened to this story withh my 11 year old boy It made me happ that he paid it forward to help the woman in her time of need
K
Katy
Guilt vs shame
Shame is self ie drinking too much: “I am bad” Usually leads to repeated shame. Guilt is behavior ie: “I can’t believe I did that” Usually will not want to repeat the behavior Shame begets shame Guilt begets change
jL
jennifer L.
Guilt vs shame
Very interesting this notion that guilt can result in changing behavior and shame entraps you, makes you feel like you are a bad person, therefore you keep doing the same bad behavior.
M
Missy
Anxiety
Even mentioning anxiety causes me to have an anxiety attack. I’ve been/am so depressed sometimes I’m immobile.
S
Samantha
Kinder to myself
I learned i often talk bad about myself and give myself a negative feeling about me but i need to remember i am human and we make mistakes 😊
K
Kharlotta
Guilt VS Shame
When listening, I knew the words before she spoke and I understood that the shift between doing a bad thing vs. being a bad person is imperative in my thinking. I had a cry yesterday because I kept telling myself, “I can’t do anything right.” I should’ve been focusing on, “I didn’t get this specific thing right. How can I make it better.” I focused on the negative rather than the constructiveness. I’ll be more conscious going forward in how I speak to myself.
J
Julia
Guilt and shame, I feel a bad person, will now think I did bad will do better next time.
Guilt v shame has helped me understand you can do bad but improve next time.
M
Mariana
Think twice and be kind to ourselves
I learned that by just paying attention to the interpretation of a certain issue we can spare ourselves from drama and mental turmoils :)
J
John
Guilt vs shame
Guilt focuses on an action or decision while shame focuses on the person. Using the appropriate words in thoughts can lead to change instead of being destructive.
M
Michelle
Honesty
As soon as I heard the name Brené Brown, I stopped listening. She has become too cliché for me to listen.
M
Maxx
Guilt v Shame
I realized guilt is separating your actions from your self and acknowledging the bad action you may have taken. Where in shame you internalize the action to mean your self is bad. My only question is what to do in situations where you didn’t do wrong, but have been made to feel guilt or shame? And also I struggle with the shifting of thoughts. I’m very black or white, all or nothing, and when I feel intensely I get stuck. Stuck to a place where my thoughts seem like unsurpassable walls, that are blocking me me. How can I calm that to work toward shifting my thoughts ? Could this help with deep rooted cognitions of shame toward the existence of self?
A
Amy
Guilt vs Shame
Never knew the significance of the two. Very enlightening. Something to think about in the moment
A
Anna
Guilt vs shame
I noticed that I tend to do both within the same situation and need to use guilt thinking to say I did something bad but not I am someone bad like shame thinking tells us to do.
N
Nikki
VERY Interesting
Wow! i never looked at it this way. i'm often overcome by BOTH feelings 🤷‍♀️
E
Ernie
More questions than answers
Guilt thought: “I did something bad”. Well, who decides if I did something bad? Me? You? Society? Was it really something bad? WHY? Do there have to be bad consequences for something to be bad? I think that I may be feeling guilty, sometimes even shame, for something that really is not bad. Do I judge myself? If so, how do I do that?
T
Toni
Guilt vs shame
I learned how to identify the ways I talk down to myself. I always see people telling you not to talk down to yourself and to speak better about yourself, but it’s always left up to you to find out how you speak down to yourself. This helped me to pinpoint a specific way in which I put myself down and hold myself back.