Peoplle-pleasing anyone?
I often shut down any attempt of my body to signal discomfort, as to it is so much harder then to get myself together and refocus on any other thing. Some signals have resided in my body for such a long time they are rather permanent visitors. There is no way I can ease them on my own and no amount of awareness shuts them down.
But aside from pain of my body I am always aware of my emotions and follow the beads down to the root, like on a necklace. The root causes of emotions and actions are sometimes so disturbing, it always seems as if my inner child wants to get praise and appreciation.
I caught myself two days ago how I was telling my mother how I am faring as a single mother and how I managed to double my income to be self-sufficient and she just said, 'It is rather good.'
And I said to her, 'No, it is fantastic, don't you think?'
I want to depend only on my own praise and appreciation, it just seems so hard sometimes. That was the thing I didn't get as a child, affection, attention, being heard, praised and appreciated.
Now I go completely in overdrive wherever I am offered any of these and would donate a kidney to anyone, who shows these to me. I feel rather disgusted by my people-pleasing sometimes.
