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Breakups are HARD

10 Min
Healthy Mind
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Cass Carlopio
Sleep Expert, Psychologist & Meditation
Breakups are painful. There's no way around that. But approaching breakups in the ways discussed can help us navigate through them, find valuable lessons, and a sense of freedom and aliveness on the other side.
From the community
11 reflections
Christina Johnson
Bye to Ryan
I learned that Ryan was never good for me. I recall our first, “disagreement”, very early on. He was putting me down for being a coward with my ex and then went into how, he could never be with me had i not had a nurse for my special needs child. That he could not handle her. He would constantly put me down and throw in my face that I was a bad mother. He took me away from all who loved me. My sister, Tom, marqus,ant, any friends. He only wanted me to live for him. He created a great deal of anxiety just anticipating his moods when he would come home. I know now, and I think then, I was only infatuated with the attention he provided, however it was only physical and never mental. Bye Ryan.
Bye Ty
I learned that my happiness matters too. I am worth it, I am good enough and I deserve better!
Worth something more
We learn as we go. Heart breaks are difficult, however during those times we can reflect on us and what was good and bad to become a better me.
Just what I needed.
This is just what I needed. My fiancé decided to call off our engagement and end our two and a half year relationship. It had happened so suddenly. I had only been a way from them for a week. Literally, in that one week we had been declaring how much we missed and loved each other over video calls. And within the following week… or perhaps it was more like within three or four days after, they called it off. They took me off of all their socials and blocked my email and number… I was left without any closure. When I went to see them in person, they acted so cold and detached. As if we were never in a relationship. What I found out was that during the time I had been gone, they took an interest in someone else… As I said, this happened so fast for me. I’m not originally from California; however, I came here to be with them and to find better opportunities. They were my only connection here. I would have ended up with no place to stay of it weren’t for their family, who had compassion and sympathy for me. I felt I was just starting to accept and release them. God has a sense of humour… something transpired. My ex-fiancé and I are now sharing a room and at times it’s awkward. Especially when they’re being giddy over the phone with their new interest. So, I’m feeling it extra hard. And I mean torn between wanting to release and wanting to hold on to hope. And at times, I feel as though I get mixed signals from them. They’ll be friendly and ask if I want to go out with them to the store or just for a ride. And then they’re back to adamantly saying they’ve moved on… I feel I had been a bit petty to point out and say, “that if this other person loves you so much, then why are they not here with you or you with them? And why are you coming to me asking me to massage you?” I wanted to shake them and yell that, “I’m the one who loves you and I’m the one who is here beside you right now.” Yet, i know it wouldn’t do any good. I can’t force them to love me again or to see or acknowledge that much… And again, this session is just what I needed. And I intend to listen to it whenever I need a reminder and I feel that I’m missing them. As much as I am saddened by our break up and how it all happened. At the same time, perhaps it was for the best. We’re both struggling at the moment and perhaps we both have some more growing and learning to do. Perhaps it was just not the right time for us. The connection I feel towards them is strong. They’re my soulmate. And I do have a sense they are my twin flame. However, as I said, perhaps it just wasn’t going to work with how things were at the time. I don’t know if it ever will. This session reminded me and it had been really great for it to point out in seeing the relationship for what it really was. I felt I had been over-giving. Things felt really unbalanced in areas. And looking back, we may have had more downs than ups… anyway, I definitely needed this.😮‍💨
This was very very helpful. I feel a lot more confident after listening to it. Thank you so much!!
Breakups are hard
I liked the idea of writing the reality of why you walked away on a post it or something and looking at it when you feel vulnerable or like you want to reach out. I think that will be a helpful tool for me.
My feelings
Often I get very insular about how I feel. I focus so much on my reaction and my feelings. To be able to talk I need to try to get out of my thoughts and focus less on how it is making me feel, rather focussing on why I’m feeling like I’m feeling.
By to 14 years.
I learned that this isn't going to be easy, and that I need to seek help from some one who knows what they are doing and who can be a life line. And of course the post it note is very good idea. But to be honest he hasn't left yet. I've asked him to leave over and over again. I just cought him cheating with my friend last night. And I told him to get out. His bags are packed, but when I got off work tonight he was still here. I've begged him to leave. I'm kinda scared cause in the past he has gotten violent towards me.
Breakups are hard
I remembered the importance of feeling every feeling during extra hard times. Also to focus on the most important relationship I have which is with myself and to focus on things that bring me the most joy.
It’s over
And I’m sad but I noticed that I also feel okay. I will be able to move on.
Breakups are hard. Yes, they can be. But like anything else life throws at us, we heal, we learn from it, and we grow. Listening to this made me realize that I'm completely over a breakup that happened awhile ago. It was on and off over many years; and I finally ended things for good with a ton of help from Aura. So, being able to relate to everything that was said in this session without feeling pangs of hurt or sadness was truly wonderful. I'm so over it and so happy in my life! I'm growing and evolving. I'm loving and caring for myself properly these days. It feels great! I'm a work in progress. And I'm enjoying every second of my journey.
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