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Why Am I So Self-Critical?

7 Min
Life Coaching
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Happiness Insight
Clinical Psychologists Wellbeing Experts
Learn about how and why we tend to treat other people so kindly whilst we tend to treat ourselves with harsh self-judgment and criticism. Listen to this session and others in the series to learn how to treat yourself with greater acceptance and kindness.
From the community
15 reflections
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Patty
It takes practice
I can’t disagree with anything that was said in this session. In a nutshell, we often do treat others better than ourselves. That can be remedied when we realize that we are doing that and change our mindset. For some of us though, due to certain circumstances, we must practice, practice, practice to give ourselves a little break. For some, it is a lifelong pursuit. 🌷
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Al
Depression
My major depression is probably caused by my negative self talk and I need to start treating myself as I would a friend.
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Vanessa
Anxiety Failures
I learned that I put too much pressure on myself to not fail and feel anxious. However, anxiety is part of my life and it is ok to feel this way. I need to start being kind to myself and not punishing myself if I think I have failed a challenge I’ve created in my mind.
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David
Love thy self
More work to help improve my self and others self-esteem and confidence. Feel good about yourself and improve other peoples attitude toward themselves. I’ll have to play this one about 100 more times , that might sink in and that’s just a joke. That’s what we’re talking about putting yourself down , see how quick it happens!!
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Steve
Why are we so self critical?
I found this was so meaningful for me. There’s a strong linkage between the effect being self critical has on ones mental state and episodes I’ve experienced in my life. These are not special or unique phenomena and are widely shared by others. What will make a difference will be learning to not be so hard on myself. Not an easy task I’m sure, but having the recognition of this issue is the start of the process.
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Matthew
My own worst critic
I absolutely need to learn to treat myself better! No one is harder on me than me. My wife has shown me a lot of tough love, but that hasn't really been enough to snap me out of my bouts of self-loathing and depression over the state of my life. I'm actually feeling really miserable today, this holiday Monday. Things have once again taken turns for what I consider the worse. That's the real issue, I think! I seem to stupidly believe that there might be something better out there awaiting my discovery, and that my failure to discover it or find it on my own is a major failing on my part. I think maybe it's my skewed view of the world which causes my grief, my sadness, my misery. Maybe I should just stop dreaming, or believing that there could be something better out there, waiting for me just beyond the horizon? But I don't WANT to live that way! I choose to fight, and to do for myself and my loved ones! I know if I can just get myself back on track with my career, I'll finally feel better about myself. But it's SO MUCH easier to just wallow in bed and ignore the to-do list altogether.
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Angel
Self critic
Everything she said was so true. When I make a mistake I immediately tell myself “you are an idiot! Why would you do that?!” It’s just kind of a natural reaction. I do have anxiety and depression and I’m always stressed and I always thought that it was because I’m always busy. When I think of self care I think of face masks and bath bombs and sleeping but actually it’s so much more than that. It’s telling yourself that you can do it and that you are beautiful and amazing. It’s telling your self that you know what, even if I don’t make it now, I CAN do it in the future. This was just a test, and I don’t have to beat myself up for not making it. It’s telling yourself all the things that you like when people tell you, like you look cute in that or you’re so funny. That’s self care. This lesson brings it up and puts it all on the table and tells you, hey it’s ok to not criticize yourself. Your doing great.
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Patrick
PSYCHO-BABBLE
Most of this is vague psyco-babble nonsense. Ask this question: From where does this critical nature originate? If you are extremely honest with yourself, pray and meditate, you will find a 3-fold answer: (1) Parents/Family (2) the culture in which that family lived (3) the society in which that culture is embedded When a child is new-born everyone is excited (sadly, there are exceptions...I was one. I was not wanted...I was a burden) This beautiful child has a Spirit of Excitement and Adventure! EVERYTHING IS NEW! It is we who poison him/her. When my daughter Stephanie was born words could not express my joy. Alas! I failed as a father, husband and man. How can I fear leaving a world that has never been good to me from day one? The secret is: I KNOW YOUR PAIN & SUFFERING…I HAVE BEEN THERE!
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Stephanie
The truth about self-criticism
Is that it could be contributing to my anxiety and lack of self-confidence.
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Benjamin
If everyone does it...
So far, most of the “experts” on this app are pretty annoying. I am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t believe I have heard any of them say “in my opinion..” or “I think...”, pretty self-indulgent.
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Matthew
My own worst critic
I am totally guilty of being my own worst critic. I am trying to instill in my youngest child (the last one I really am going to have any influence on at this point!) the idea of approaching other, more difficult ”friends” with empathy. Her bestie has some major heath issues, causing her to miss quite a bit of school, and making her unavailable for extra activities outside school, and as such they often find themselves at odds. Counseling my daughter to have kind empathy for her friend without necessarily telling her all of her friend’s issues and problems, can be trying!
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Silvia
Positive goals
I’ve never really reflected on why we are so critical or at least what is the strong connection. As a teacher and psychologist I think we need to start to teach children how to be able to self-love and self-sooth since young age.
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Tara
Perfect
This was a perfect meditation for me today. Hearing is help me and ties some of the knots I’ve been in.
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Adrea
Why am I so self critical
This recording assists me in focusing on how to be more self-compassionate. Less self critical and think more positively.
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Ga
I’m super on my self
Be nicer to me. It’s okay to take that extra time. Don’t be so hard on self