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Two Best Practices to Change Unwanted Behaviours

3 Min
Life Coaching
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Dorothy Zennuriye Juno
Psychotherapist & Meditation Teacher
In this segment of Life Coaching WISDOM, discover two helpful Cognitive Behavioural Strategies for changing unwanted behaviours. First, its important to know that your behaviours are determined by your current mood state. To change how you feel, you need to change what you tell yourself. Use these two best practices; for developing mindfulness and for being in control of how you feel and what you tell yourself. Namaste!! xo
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63 reflections
Examining Thoughts
Dorothy teaches us before we react to a situation pausing for a moment to check in with our mind to see why we are feeling the way we do. One technique is to record your thoughts. The second technique is to ask your mind...where is the evidence when your mind is getting caught up in thoughts. This will help you to figure out if your mind is being truthful with you.
Thoughts and Change
Good exercise to remind me to recognize, accept, analyze thoughts, emotions, behaviors with mindful and critical eyes. These are the tools to arrive in a detached, neutral space, at zero point. I have learned time and again that the best decisions and solutions I have made are when I am within this space, this neutral state- where the outcome may or not be the one I want, but with the trust that the outcome is such as is best for my higher self. 👀 💕🙏🏻 Namaste.
Thoughts and Behaviors
This lesson helped me understand that most of my own behaviors are based off my emotions. I tend to react quickly when my feelings are hurt mostly on impulse. I have to teach myself to channel that anger into positive reactions.
Time to Reflect
Our behaviors are what we do. They can change based on how we feel in any given moment. And, how we feel in any given moment is the result of our thoughts. In this life coaching wisdom session, Dorothy gives us two strategies based off of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, (CBT) in which we can change our thoughts, thus changing the way we feel and ultimately ridding ourselves of unwanted behaviors. The first strategy is challenging our thoughts by asking ourselves, where is the evidence? By asking ourselves this question we challenge ourselves to find the truth. The second strategy is looking for alternative ways of thinking about the situation. By looking for alternative ways of thinking about a particular situation, we can examine the story we have created in our mind. By examining the story we have created in our mind, we can decide whether or not to go along with it based on what we know to be true. These strategies require us to have a conscious awareness of our thoughts. If we want to change unwanted behaviors, we must take a step back and reflect on what our thoughts are before we act or react. Noticing our mood and how we feel ultimately influences our choices and our actions or reactions. If we take some time to reflect, our decisions will be from a state of calm rather than from states of unwanted behaviors. Namaste 🙏🏻❤️☮️
Walter J
Dorothy does an excellent job with this whole session. It begins with a thought, which causes a feeling (primarily based on our Beliefs that we created for ourselves from our Inherited Tendencies & Childhood Conditioning), that drive our behaviors, which result in our acting in a certain way that bring results. We cannot directly change results without changing our actions or behaviors. And we cannot them until we Believe we can. We must start with our thoughts and that will drive the rest to naturally happen. She does give a couple effective ways to do this! Thanks Dorothy for this powerful information & Cherish for bringing it to my attention! ❤️🙏🏼🍀
Walter J
Having heard this one before and liking it, I was led to listen to it again. Dorothy explains our behaviors consist of our actions & reactions. The difference jumped out at me. Our re-actions are our conditioned responses to others & situations. Typically done without Thinking, at least without “consciously” Thinking. Our sub-conscious mind is a powerful but tricky piece of equipment. On one hand it controls our heartbeat, our digestion and all other involuntary bodily functions (thank goodness). On the other hand it contains all the Beliefs that were born or conditioned into us at an early age as well as what we have chosen to Believe or trained ourselves to Know thru trial & error & education. Thus, all our reactions come from our subconscious mind without us really Thinking about them. Right or wrong, helpful or hurtful, Beneficial or Detrimental. And it is so fast that we “react without thinking” literally. Dorothy encourages us to Consciously Think about the stimulus so we can Choose how we want to Act. Think about it from several angles so we can act based on Truth, not preconditioned Beliefs that may or may not be true. We can only re-act as well as our Inherited Tendencies & Childhood Conditioning were programmed into us. But, we can learn to ‘Act’ from the higher places of Truth, Love, Peace & Compassion by Thinking! Think higher thoughts and you can ‘Act’ from a higher place for the greater good or what I call The BOM (The Betterment Of Mankind). After all we are all Act-ors and all the world a stage! 💚🧠🍀
I learned that my thoughts are powerful and that I can change my behaviour through my own thoughts and reflecting on why I have those thoughts can change my behaviour
Good argument for journaling...
I'm going to transcribe this session and read it to myself a few times at intervals, trying to do more and more of what it suggests. Journal.
Técnicas para cambiar mi pensamiento
- retarlos ¿dónde está o cuál es la evidencia? Cuando siento celos o inseguridad en mi misma suelo armar historias (está con alguien más, no le intereso) y pueden estar ocurriendo cosas que no tienen que ver conmigo
Going to listen to this a lot!
So helpful and summarizes everything I’m trying to work on right now.
We very often take our thoughts for granted. Idea to re examine them sounds very interesting, will try it...
I felt calm and allowed myself to be still and listen
My thoughts aren’t facts and i have to be aware of how i base my emotion apart of what i think causing me to be upset . Now taking the time to realize my thoughts aren’t me and not letting myself to connect to the thought but process and try to understand from a view point that is higher 🌙✨☀️
Questioning thoughts
I'll use the "where is the evidence" question to help me not immediately buy in to my thoughts. I already feel a bit lighter and more optmistic
Sunday August 30
I feel good, I feel relaxed. Only slept for about an hour but once I have some coffee I feel ready to take on this house.
I needed that
I literally stopped in my tracks when I was reminded that when people treat you a certain way, react negatively, speak to you brashly...it’s because that is how that probably treat themselves. I am the best at beating myself up and negative self talk. In thinking about the person who I fight with the most he definitely has a negative self image and feels he is less than. It explains a lot.
Where's the evidence?
I learned that I need to examine my thoughts more as I am often unaware of the causes for my actions. A good listen, I have added it to my favourites
I learned that I can stop and hear my thoughts and challenge them to change my mood
That I can stop and hear my thoughts and challenge them to change my mood
Learning #1
I can take my the thoughts that lead to a problem behavior and ask, “Where’s the evidence that ________________?”
Post hen night.
I must look at my thoughts and ask where’s the evidence if I ever doubt or feel sad and help Rhodri do the same .
Wisdom & Truth
This is such a good exercise and reminder to question our thoughts and behaviours. That simple question of, where is the evidence is an absolute game changer! Thank you 🙏
I have to channel my thoughts in a time i feel overwhelmed with emotions that wau i can control my thinking to not react the way i would
To change my thoughts by challenging them be aware mindful
Step back don’t be what u don’t want to be recorded thought can have powerful effect on my behavior Where’s the evidence State thought Prove Thoughtto be true Have validablity examine thoughts change perspective How do I want to behave or act what’s the best approach to deal with this situation CBT Be calm positive outcome Everything begins with a thought
I must be mindful of my feeling and reactions if I want to change them
Where is the evidence
This is exactly what I needed this morning, I tend to ruminate a lot on negative feelings/situations that I’ve been in and when I look at my past thoughts and I ask myself “where is the evidence” I realize that had I learnt this earlier I would have cut down on a lot of unnecessary worrying and anxiety. I will be asking myself “where is the evidence” a lot more after today.
Ask, “Where’s the evidence?”
I learned that, taking a moment to analyze my thoughts, by asking where the evidence of said “negative” thought is, will lead my mind into a new and clearer direction.. giving me a better perception of reality, which will, in turn, lead my body into choosing a different reaction/behavior. Always ask, “Where is the evidence...”
איך לשים סימן שאלה על מחשבות שיוצרות פעולות
אחרי החלטה/צעד שאני מרגישה בו לא טוב לשאול- מה בעצם הרגשתי עכשיו. לאתגר מחשבות- לשאול ״איפה העובדות״? בעצם, תוכיחי שהחשיבה עכשיו הייתה אמיתית. לבדוק דרכים אלטרנטיביות על סיטואציות. לנתח את הסיפור שיצרתי בראש. לכתוב את המחשבות שלי כדי לראות מה המיינד שלי מייצר. ואז לנתח את המחשבות מנקודת המבט של מה שאני יודעת בוודאות שהוא נכון- לשים לב מה קורה מיד למוד שלי. כשננחת את המחשבות אנחנו מזכירים לעצמנו אלטרנטיבות חדשות מאשר לקבל אוטומטי את הסיפור שסיפרנו כאמת הבלעדית.
אחרי החלטה/צעד שאני מרגישה בו לא טוב לשאול- מה בעצם הרגשתי עכשיו. לאתגר מחשבות- לשאול ״איפה העובדות״? בעצם, תוכיחי שהחשיבה עכשיו הייתה אמיתית. לבדוק דרכים אלטרנטיביות על סיטואציות. לנתח את הסיפור שיצרתי בראש. לכתוב את המחשבות שלי כדי לראות מה המיינד שלי מייצר. ואז לנתח את המחשבות מנקודת המבט של מה שאני יודעת בוודאות שהוא נכון- לשים לב מה קורה מיד למוד שלי. כשננחת את המחשבות אנחנו מזכירים לעצמנו אלטרנטיבות חדשות מאשר לקבל אוטומטי את הסיפור שסיפרנו כאמת הבלעדית.
After a bad action desicion
After a decision / step that I feel wrong about Ask- What did I actually felt befor the action. Challenge Thoughts- Ask "Where are the facts"? In fact, you will prove that the thinking now wasn’t real. Check out alternative ways on situations. Analyze the story I created in my head. Write my thoughts to see what my mind produces. Then analyze the thoughts From the point of view of what I know for sure is true- Notice what happens right away to my mod. As we land our thoughts we are reminded of new alternatives to automatically accept the story we have told as the exclusive truth.
In my head
In head there is one story and its not always whats really going on and sometime i fall in a pit of my own making and its not real but i cant see the any way out until someone else explain what im thinking is wrong and helps me see past my own stories. I always want to know what is going on when I don’t understand something or someone behavior but i have to let it go without make up my own beliefs.
Thoughts are not real
I learned that I can challenge my thoughts and they’re not real unless I let them
Evidence before thought
How interesting and incredibly helpful! My mind has thoughts. Both positive, negative or neutral. I’ve been really struggling with negative thoughts and this approach stops me and asks “where is the evidence for that negative thought?” Often, the answer is there is no evidence. Thank you!
Thoughts with evidence
It was helpful that my feelings balance my thoughts and that the can validate my feelings. That there is no wrong or right as to how I feel, but to make sure I look at the whole situation and journal my thoughts and feelings, especially when overwhelmed to keep focused.
Stop and observe how I feel, what thoughts have been dominating my mind and identifying those thoughts ask myself were they automatic and negative, is there any evidence to support them?
i learned that my thoughts takes over my mind. it challenges me, but i have learned that i am in control of MY thoughts. i can’t let them effect me.
The challenge
I have to challenge my thoughts before first reac ting to them and second believing in them
There are still times when there is evidence to support my thoughts. The guidance I need is how to resolve issues not based on my faulty thinking, but where others are, in fact, harming me. Sometimes I find I do know the difference between a hawk and a handsaw after all.
Challenge negative thoughts. Remember that you can choose to self deprecate or choose to live freely.
I sometimes find that
challenging my thoughts sometimes gives me even more anxiety. Like there’s a battle in my head in what I know I feel and what I should be feeling..
I ❤️ Aura!
‘Self’ help works better when you have Aura to help you do it! Doesn’t make it Easy, but Aura professionals make it Possible.
I’ve noticed once you start calling out your thoughts, the less power they have! Sometimes when I have thoughts that I’m unworthy or useless I end up laughing because I know it’s just my mind trying to put me in a negative state of mind! I love that the session said to say “what evidence do I have” because usually there is no evidence to the intense things our brains think! 💖✨
Evidence For Thoughts
I can use a technique to test if there is evidence fir my thoughts and if there is not I can discard the thought.
I liked the perspective
This is a great point of view, it is a very basic way to make my advanced and growing thoughts easy to break down.
Awareness is powerful and will help change unwanted thoughts and behavior. However in order to be aware one must be present. Something I need to practice more.
This advice is GOLD. I shared it with my sister.
I can - with practice- control my negative thoughts, which affect my moods. When I feel bad I need to ask myself: where’s the proof? Is there any REAL proof that the thoughts I’m having are justified?
Negative actions
I learned to stop, and re-examine my thoughts before I get into certain situations. I have a knack for getting into a situation I regret later.
My Behaviors
I learned to ask myself where’s the evidence in my thoughts to challenge and change my thoughts to change my behaviors. See I’ve been told I’m aggressive and disrespectful but, I don’t want to come off as that. Glad I am here. It’s amazing what you can learn in 3 minutes.
Day 1- feeling anxious but determined
Dreamt of my mom. We were in what appeared to be my new apartment. It seemed gloomy and unsafe. We were napping, I woke and said it was probably time for her to go home. It was 9:15pm. She had her blue nighty on. We discussed my feeling unsafe in the apartment. I told her I wished I had a gun. I cried and hung onto her arm the entire walk down the hall and elevator ride. Next, within NFA building with Karen Auwood. Repetitive dream theme for NFA-typically in one of those buildings trying to get out.
Thoughts are the key
I learned that challenging thoughts can change feelings and behaviors.
Challenging thoughts is essential
I learned that “Where’s the evidence ( that/for, etc. ) . . . ?” is a great way to challenge thoughts which can in turn change feelings and behavior.
Day 2
Pairing thoughts with actions and feelings makes a lot of sense. I like the idea of challenging my thoughts and finding evidence so I can determine if it reflects the truth.
WTE- where’s the evidence? challenge my thoughts and change the behavior. I’m going to write WTE on my notes at work and set a calendar reminder so that I can get a pop-up visual to remind me to check in with this question.
Catching thoughts
This is practical and logical advice. Most of my days are spent going down this rabbit hole of jumbled thoughts - few positive ones. Although I’m aware, it’s been difficult for me to find a way out of the rabbit hole. Asking where’s the evidence? ; how do I want to behave; what is the best way I can react to this… are great prompts.
Where is the evidence?
Many times there is no evidence to support my thoughts. I’m too hard on myself. I need to work on positive thinking.
Understanding my thoughts
I learned my behavior and actions to a situation, comes from my thoughts currently going thru my head at that current time. And that’s where my reactions comes in the moment of the situation or issue at hand.
My thoughts
My thoughts determine how I feel/my attitude which then fuels my behaviors. If I can change my thoughts then I can change my behaviors
This segment opens me up to examine my thought(s) and truly look inside! My favorite statement is “Where’s the evidence!” I’ve learned I need to be mindful to accurately evaluate my perspective. This has me looking at another’s perspective as well. I don’t have to agree or disagree, but just be mindful my thought needs to be accurate with evidence.
Thinking > behavior
I like the challenge of “what’s the evidence” The stem phrase is a great tool to halt and look versus just plowing into the next reaction or trying to get it right or fix something because I think something is wrong when perhaps it just is and I’m trying to make it into something else. I do this with people. I obsess about it. So my lovely brain is quite busy figuring and analyzing. I’m thinking that is useful work when it is not critical thinking - like where us the evidence. Living in my head leaves me disconnected, recycling thoughts and patterns of thinking.
Where’s the evidence?
I learned that this stem phrase is a tool I can use the next time I imagine a problem that most likely isn’t even real. For instance, “My boss must think X about me.” will instead be “Where’s the evidence my boss thinks X about me?” and, of course, there’ll be no evidence. Complete mind shift and a great way to talk myself down from self-inflicted anxiety, paranoia, and negative self-talk.
Challenging thoughts
I learned how to challenge thoughts that are negative and ask how I created the thoughts that I had and why they wrong and to prove that my thoughts were true and if they weren’t change my thoughts
I could meditate all night if I want to because I love it
I could meditate all day if I want to because I love it it helps me relax and feel calm and that god’s way of saying hey Margo I’m here for you come see me and I feel grateful for that meditation and it always helps me relax and stay calm and calm down and it always taught me to not think about things that stress me out like my past or even my things that make me feel sad I learned that when I meditate all the negative things just zap right out of my mind and positive things come to my mind and I laugh a lot and I have noticed that when I meditate I feel relaxed and I am peace and I can breathe and sleep and feel less stressed out I love that color blue that is why I love meditations
That it is only consuming me and no one else, he lost some one too good for him and I gained all the confidence I need,
Who controls your mind
I was reminded of the question of who controls the activity of your mind. When developing awareness understanding and acceptance of this concept it provides an opportunity to clarify my intentions and corresponding coping or behavioral strategies
I feel like my distorted and mind will find distorted evidence to support its distorted thought.
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