The road to awakening isn’t smooth
This is a very rough time for my soul. Most of the things are not tangible nor describable. I am ridding my life, my body, and my mind of toxins and it is painful. I am at this stage in my life where I am about to reinvent my future, for the countless time. I am trying to learn to accept it as what’s best for me, to not be upset, disappointed or scared. It is hard. No one tells you how painful an awakening can be. No one tells you how vulnerable you become while on the path to enlightenment. Breaking away from everything you have created for yourself, everything you dreamed because it’s what you thought you wanted, yet realizing it was a dream curated by someone else’s mind, and the sparkle of the dream made you want it for yourself. I am opening and coming undone, and it is messy and dark. I am spilling my contents of soul out for no one else but me and I forgot what I hurried dee in my own depths. I am a beautiful and magical creature, but it’s time for me to start being beautiful and magical for myself. I am working at becoming in tune with the universe again, the energy and magic of Life. I cannot believe how far I’ve strayed from my true authentic path trying to create a life that was never meant to be for me. I was always meant to create, to love and accept and to learn other people. I was never meant to be in a lab, mixing chemicals and writing lab reports. I have always been destined to walk through the trees, to swim in creeks, to lay in the flowers, to paint, to write, to love, to support, to guide, to encourage, and to just be alive and experience all the beautiful things in this life. This is the painful part; that I forgot who I truly am and changed into a person I never truly wanted to be, it was never me. Every day I am finding parts of my authentic self and I am welcoming those bits and pieces back. This journey is not smooth, but it is beautiful and worth it. This journey is cracking open the countless mortared walls I put up.