My beautiful boy, Montee was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma in the middle of August. While filled with immense shock and sadness at first, I quickly turned to what I could do for him instead of wasting time wallowing over his diagnosis. Deciding on treating him with chemotherapy and energy healing, I changed his food to a cancer diet consisting of cooked meats, vegetables and immune boosting supplements. He responded positively to the treatments, as the tumors in his lymph nodes began to shrink and I saw a new spark of life in his eyes. Accepting this new ‘normal’, we went on our daily morning walks and trips to see his oncologist on an every three week basis. Then he began to have nose bleeds. Bringing him immediately in to get checked out, I found out that he had high blood pressure, HBP. Receiving a medication to alleviate his HBP, his nose bleeds stopped and we continued on with our daily morning walks, seeing the stars, moon and sunrise. Everything was as good as it could be in this new ‘normal’. That is until, things weren’t.
A little over a week ago, I began to feel heaviness in my heart. Looking back, it was as if my higher self was trying to prepare me for something. I took note of the associated thoughts and immediately felt a guilt and almost a fear for having those thoughts because as a firm believer in what we think about, we bring about, I know the power that our thoughts have on our reality. So, I’d change to thinking hopeful thoughts. This seemed to be working, but the heaviness in my heart would soon return. I began thinking, what is this uneasiness trying to tell me and why can’t I seem to shake it? Looking back, I know now that my higher self was indeed preparing me for loss.
Being conscious of my breath, I felt this courage to place a welcome mat out to honor this grief and sadness that has filled my heart. Knowing that honoring emotions is a step towards healing, I’ll try my hardest to remember to be conscious of my breath.