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Process & Integrate Grief & Sadness

16 Min
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Jaisa Sulit
Mindful Self-Compassion Coach & OT
Healing requires the acceptance of all our human emotions - including the uncomfortable and even painful. This meditation provides guidance in the meeting, honouring and processing of grief and sadness. Mindful breath by mindful breath we can integrate sadness, transform and heal.
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6 reflections
Time Healing
This is my first holiday alone, which is ironic since Thanksgiving is a time to be spent with family and friends. Yet, I am alone. Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now.
My beautiful boy, Montee was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma in the middle of August. While filled with immense shock and sadness at first, I quickly turned to what I could do for him instead of wasting time wallowing over his diagnosis. Deciding on treating him with chemotherapy and energy healing, I changed his food to a cancer diet consisting of cooked meats, vegetables and immune boosting supplements. He responded positively to the treatments, as the tumors in his lymph nodes began to shrink and I saw a new spark of life in his eyes. Accepting this new ‘normal’, we went on our daily morning walks and trips to see his oncologist on an every three week basis. Then he began to have nose bleeds. Bringing him immediately in to get checked out, I found out that he had high blood pressure, HBP. Receiving a medication to alleviate his HBP, his nose bleeds stopped and we continued on with our daily morning walks, seeing the stars, moon and sunrise. Everything was as good as it could be in this new ‘normal’. That is until, things weren’t. A little over a week ago, I began to feel heaviness in my heart. Looking back, it was as if my higher self was trying to prepare me for something. I took note of the associated thoughts and immediately felt a guilt and almost a fear for having those thoughts because as a firm believer in what we think about, we bring about, I know the power that our thoughts have on our reality. So, I’d change to thinking hopeful thoughts. This seemed to be working, but the heaviness in my heart would soon return. I began thinking, what is this uneasiness trying to tell me and why can’t I seem to shake it? Looking back, I know now that my higher self was indeed preparing me for loss. Being conscious of my breath, I felt this courage to place a welcome mat out to honor this grief and sadness that has filled my heart. Knowing that honoring emotions is a step towards healing, I’ll try my hardest to remember to be conscious of my breath.
Authentic Self
Grief is such a complex process. We can be feeling okay one minute and then something catches our eye, perhaps a special trinket of our loved ones or a garment they wore and before we know it, we find ourselves at the mercy of the grief process all over again. Having our emotions on our sleeves, we show our sensitivity. Some try to wall it off out of fear of getting hurt while others embrace it, knowing that showing their sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness. While I’ve tried to be positive through this grief process by looking at the bright side of things, there still have been times where I’ve found myself feeling negative emotions, such as great sadness and sometimes even anger from the loss of my beautiful beloved boy. When I’ve been experienced these negative emotions, I’ve heard myself saying, don’t be negative, Cherish. Because what you think about, you bring about, you must stay positive. This battle of feeling ‘right vs. wrong’ has put a ton of pressure on myself. However, denying these feelings to be here, I am finding myself trying to control something that can’t be controlled. The loss happened. The emotions that are associated with loss are here whether I like it or not. If I suppress or fear feeling them, they will only magnify over time. Therefore, I will love myself enough to feel and allow these uncomfortable emotions to move through me. Being my authentic self, I have resources available to me that I wouldn’t have otherwise. These resources remind me there are opportunities found within the struggle. They give me the strength to get through this and the knowledge that there is something a little bit bigger than myself going on here. Namaste 🙏🏻❤️☮️
Feeling Spirit
When some event occurs that caused us loss, the associated pain that follows can be so great that we find ourselves running to activities, continuing on with the motions of life. Finding ourselves periodically alone with stillness, we quickly learn that silence does indeed, speak. Listening, we gain wisdom and realize that in order to heal, we must be willing to love ourselves enough to meet our emotions. Using our breath to connect to and feel our spirit, we have the courage and strength to place the welcome mat out to meet our emotions and listen to what they have to say. Even though I’ve continued to do my gratitude practice every morning upon waking and right before I drift off to sleep to remind me of all the good I have in my life, I can’t seem to shake these dreaded feelings in my heart. Actually, they began appearing about a week ago. Because they were so beyond uncomfortable, I ignored them because I actually found myself fearing what they had to say. Upon reflection, I now realize that they were there to prepare me for what was to come the following week. Inspiring with each breath, I began to connect to and feel my spirit within. Feeling my spirit, I found my inner courage and strength to place the welcome mat out for these emotions. Listening while feeling this beautiful light within, I began to have a different perspective. Being reminded that I am Love first and foremost, I felt an immense joy in my heart for feeling such intense emotions because that means that I shared such a great love with my beautiful boy. Feeling this great love all throughout my body and beyond, I felt his spirit near me. I heard myself saying, I may no longer see you, but I sure feel you, my beautiful boy! There is nothing, not even the transition to death, that can take that away!
Learning to let go! Grief comes in many forms, mine is my relationship.
I am not my emotions
I will use this practice many times, it was really detailed in guiding me through recognizing where my sadness was in the body and how to honor it. I have so much to learn about grief and am grateful for Aura, and this medication.
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