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No One Can Hurt You Unless You Allow It

3 Min
Life Coaching
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Dorothy Ratusny
Life Coaching WISDOM
When we hurt it is because we have allowed someone to affect us negatively; to cause us harm, to feel doubt, fear, insecurity, or discouragement, when really - each time that we experience someone's negativity (their harsh words, their criticism, their anger, their fear, their insecurities, their pain, their lack of knowledge) - they are simply showing us their reaction, their choice, their feelings and thoughts in that particular moment. Your decision must be to step back, to step away from taking on whatever hurts may be directly or indirectly pointed at you.  You may choose to offer a kind word and lend your ear - and then to return to your inner knowing; to knowing that you are remarkable, you are perfect as you are - you are a work in progress as you choose it.  You are the loving inner being and the kindness that flows from this. I hope this episode of Life Coaching WISDOM helps you feel empowered to no longer allow yourself to remain stuck in being hurt.  Namaste! in gratitude and peace, dorothy xo
From the community
96 reflections
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Leo
Not you
Always remember that how people treat you is a reflection of who they are. If they can’t treat you right, they can’t treat themselves right. It’s never about you. Love yourself always ❤️
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Patty
This is a tough one
In theory, this meditation says all the right things! We know who, what and how we are. We are not others opinion of us. But it takes a bit of practice, at least for me, to be able to forgive and get past those hurtful words or deeds. But I’m working on it. 🌺
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Carly
change of perspective
I noticed that this helped me see things from a different perspective. It helped me redirect my thoughts from frustration to more of an understanding of my frustrations. I feel like the next time something comes up that might make me feel angry, I can use what I learned from this and be more mindful about the situation.
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Marie-Michelle
Summertime Sadness
I feel sad.. My last relationship was a disaster and I can't move on. He did me wrong, 10 months ago I was happy I wish I could go back.
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Alex
Disappointed
I can’t control what others did to hurt me. And just because they did the things they did doesn’t make them a monster there just as lost as I am
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Kaila
Calm
I learned that detaching from your control of others will benefit you from getting hurt. That hoping and wanting something for others is different than being upset when you don’t see the result, when ultimately they are in charge of their life, actions and attitude. I choose to believe that if something doesn’t happen as I thought it should have, that is okay, as I do not control others of the world as a whole. Things will happen as people choose them to or as they are meant to and identifying pain and suffering in others is important to forgiving them and yourself.
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Sergei
Understand the person being cruel
Know that people hurting you through their blunt and cruel words can come out from their own pain and you should try to help rather than focus on words
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Neelarka
Accepting other's opinions non-reactively
Our mind is like a musical instrument. Throughout our lives, other musicians pluck the strings and strike notes in this beautiful instrument while we remain unaware of the potential of this instrument all this time as we have never played any note on it ourselves but have allowed others to do the same.
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Laura
No one can hurt you
The biggest thing i need to work on is having positive beliefs about myself. I think that consciously and subconsciously i have negative thoughts about myself which in turn feed the negative feeling and so forth into a vicious cycle. The moment am firm in my thoughts of myself, what ever opinions anyone could have will not affect me. I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent and successful woman. :)
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Tarna ❤️
Stressed
I noticed that whatever that stresses me out, stresses me out because I give it the attention it demands.
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A
Blocking the hurt
I made a decision that affected some people who were unhappy with the outcome. One in particular accepted the decision with grace and realized why I chose what I did. Another responded angrily behind my back and said very hurtful things. I considered my choice and realized I made the right decision. Seeing their responses actually affirmed it. It is hard to block the hurt, but I must. It was important to consider their perspectives, but I know I did what was right. I usually take this kind of thing more personally, but I believe in my choice. I am open to the future.
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Erin
Write every thing
I love writing & it helps me to remember to do things in my day & reminds me to do my de stress therapy
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Kathy
Know thyself
This is a session that is so powerful, honest and heavily weighted in personal truths that when I listened to it I thought “I know these things” but do I always practice them? I should. I must try harder.....
WJ
Walter J
Awakening...
WOW!! I got a wake up call on this one!!Dorothy was calling me out for allowing myself to let others hurt me... & she was spot on! Wow again - I have given up so much joy by allowing a few close people to pull me into their negativity by my trying to help them when they obviously did not want any help. And I was wondering why I seemed to have an anxiousness & irritability lately... Those feelings are not me. Their words & actions are not them, but Where they are, at this moment. Hopefully, it is just how they feel right now & not who they are. But I think the longer they stay that way the better chance that IS who they will become. That makes me sad for them. But unless they are aware AND want to change for the better, I have no right to interfere. I have to let go & let God help them. I can only help those “with their hand up”! Luckily, those people are appreciative of my wanting to help them and a positive, building, Love cycle is started! Thanks Dorothy & Aura!! ❤️✌🏼🍀
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Joss
I felt
I learned that only i can change the way i feel in any situation.🌩
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Holly
Wrong thing played?
... I liked what I listened to. But judging from the other people’s comment on this... I think the wrong track played for me.
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Noshi
better
these lessons and sessions help me feel better and more relaxed
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Avery
Forgiveness
I learned that no one can hurt you unless you let them, it me a direct copy off of the cover but they do an amazing job teaching you how to forgive yourself and others.
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jess♥️
Negativity
This meditation made me feel better about how I judge the people who are putting me and my friends down
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Susan
No one can hurt you...
I have elimated the negative people from my life. However I must remember that harsh and critical self talk is also hurting me. I must lift myself up instead of put myself down
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Susie
I allow it
I learned that I am allowing the ones I love to hurt me. Not intentionally but unintentionally. I want them to be proud of me, to understand me and to appreciate the things I do so much that I forget to be those things for myself and to love myself.
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Rachael
Loving your Ex
I learned that as individuals, we may still hurt inside, making us miss our ex as well of having flashbacks to good memories. When this happens we think we still love them, but really we just miss the old person we thought they may had been or where. I believe that some people may still care about their ex’s deep down inside, but not that same level of loving them, which is okay in a way because it show that they want them to be happy and forgiveness. In the end result, there is a reason why people break up when they still love them, but that individual needs to put themselves first to take care of their own mental, emotional, and physical state of mind to be able to have a healthy relationship. Most importantly, as an individual, we deserve to be happy and should carry on with our lives for a new adventure to appear.
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Kathy
False Face
I have listened to this previously and it had a powerful effect on me, as many of Dorothy’s meditations do. I am grateful I listened again today. There has been a person who for several weeks has been hurtful, dismissive, dishonest, striking out, accusatory, for no valid reason. I have neither said nor done anything to cause discomfort or harm to this person. I have continued to be honest and kind. However, honesty and kindness have not flowed back toward me. This is not my problem. I cannot fix it. I thought that perhaps this person was just going through a bad time but have now come to realize that this is indeed who this person really is and so I have backed away. I cannot help a person who does not wish help. Therefore, I will not allow this person, who pretended to be my friend, to hurt me in any way. I pray that she “sees the light” and doesn’t try to harm others who believe in her kindness and trust that she is genuine and honest. Sadly, she will only harm herself in the end. This is a wonderful coaching session; a great deal can be learned from it.
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Athena
I felt totally relaxed
I learned that if I say those things when I am relaxed there true. We create our own reality, right? ⏫
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Monica
I needed this
I happened to choose this meditation on the day I needed it most... I can't tell you how much peace it brought me
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Sharmain
Powerful!
There’s so many nuggets of wisdom in this practice and I’m glad I chanced upon this when I needed it the most.
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Zephania
Hurt
I learnt that I have let other people control the way I feel. And I have hust other people with my words. I hope as I move forward that I will remain incontrol of my faculties in all situations so that I may impact others positively.
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Luann
No one can hurt you unless you allow it
This is all so important. I should listen to this every day!
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Justin
Reminder
You are in charge of the way you feel. When people hurt you, realize that they are not themself in that situation and they could be going through stuff. Be mindful about other peoples problems.
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Renata
Notes
Others are responsible for how they feel. They are not their highest self, in the time of arguments.
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Brooke
No one can hurt you
I am in control of my own feelings. When someone is acting in a way to project hurtfulness it’s not a reflection of who they truly are. It’s a moment of weakness, struggle an doubt. Its not you! Its them
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Danielle
Not Their Best Moment
Sometimes I forget that being humble does not mean being walked on. When someone is cruel, they are often in a bad moment. And it’s important to not always just accept their opinion, but to understand it may not be coming from the right place 🔆
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Madhu
So apt that’s all I needed
Yes that’s what I need for my understanding my calmness my silence my love
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Jess
❤️
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Megan
So good.
This is what I needed to hear right now. I have to remember that he isn’t always in his optimal state, and it’s my choice to feel hurt. I have to be OK in myself first and foremost.
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Sara
We are responsible for our own feelings, and not how others treat us.
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Clint
We are in control
I learned that people’s reactions are based on their current disposition and we have to understand that. We have to consider others’ feelings, too. At the end of the day, we are the masters of ourselves. We are the only one capable of controlling how we feel.
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Hannah
Day 1
When other people do things to hurt me, it is a reflection on their character and not mine. I have a choice in how I want to react to it.
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Tom
Listening to this
This was very eyes opening talk. I love to feel that only I’m respondible for how I feel and to know that❤️
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abi
Day two of being single
I learned that no matter what the issue only I can change how I feel. I decide to be happy or to be upset. I decide I’m a bad bitch
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Steve
On the money
I often allow comments or actions from others to sit on my mind and try to analyze the meaning too deeply. Whether it was mean spirited, kind, or neutral in meaning, I have smoked it in as indicative of who I must be. I’m getting better at not being a sponge for others’ baggage or flattery, because I feel as though I’m truer to myself that’s days. Although, reminders of how to be mindful are always welcome.
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Tammy
No hurt, unless you let
Forgive people and don’t accept their hurtfull words as truth , be aware it’s not really their heart speaking
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Sharon
I felt a little bit better
I learned that no one is capable to hurt me without me giving the permission to
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Jolene
My own actions
I learned that I need to stop taking everything so personally and that sometimes I lash out for the wrong reasons 1
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Vivi
Dificult
Me costó la sesión de hoy. Me dio ansiedad no tener un cronómetro y no saber cuánto tiempo tenía de meditar
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Diana
Becoming fully in control of our lives
It requires a great amount of persistence to practice the art of controlling our thoughts and feelings, and once you attain that power there is so much freedom on life. Because only then do we fully believe in our power to choose our own destiny
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Herim
Good to know
I’ve learned that this person has problems so that’s why she is giving me problems
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Herim
She got problems
I’m listening to this meditation over and over again, because this person has telepathic issues. Now I woke up because of telepathic/lucid dream and she has serious problems! I pray for her🙏
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Jennifer
Control
It’s times like now where you feel like things are out of your hands and out of your control. I’ve been extra sensitive to other’s words and actions and have been allowing my reactions to control the hurt I’m allowing in my life. The hurt people give out is a direct reflection of themselves and does not have to be internalized by the one supposed to be receiving.
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Brita
Others
It took me years to figure this out. How people act towards me is not a reflection of me but of them and their current state.
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Wardy
Today
I learned that the way i feel is not the way i am. And that i can be happy too
AE
Amy Elizabeth
My highest being is not found in my feelings nor my thoughts at a given moment !
If others have hurt me it’s because they are not in their higher state of being. They are acting from fear, self-doubt, lack of knowledge, wisdom! I must continue to be positive, empathetic, a mind still remain in a state of Grace and remove myself from their pain and take a step back from those that are “suffering or being harsh, angry, mean and hurtful”. I’ll be mindful of this at every present moment. I will offer kind and positive Words to these hurtful people who are not under a state of Grace or Wisdom because they are not in a state of being their higher self. But I’ll not allow others to hurt me ever again! I’m empathetic, compassionate, kind, thoughtful but I do NOT have to bear their anger and suffering in that moment! I’ll allow my higher self and my self love to govern how I react to other’s harming me because it’s their pain that wants to hurt me and its not their higher self that operates this way. I’ll forgive and forget. I remain positive, loving, gracious and kind. Amen.
AE
Amy Elizabeth
I am Wise, Living, Kind, Gracious and have self acceptance and love!
I’m a higher being and I’ll access that and never allow others to hurt me again!
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Liz
The first step
I learned that the person who is hurting you are not at their highest of themselves. Remind yourself that they’re in a certain state of mind and may not mean what they are saying and doing at the moment. Look past what they’ve said or did. However don’t just easily excuse it.
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Divya
How to react when others are hurtful
Remember that they are not their highest self and their behaviour reflects about them. Don’t seek anyone’s approval.
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Deva
I'm trying..
I'm trying to get a better idea of my life and myself. I always want things better but im always settle for less on the table. How can I get better inside myself?
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Rachael
Sad and hurt
With sadness is sadness and No one can make me happy. Their hurtfulness is their state and No mine
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Rachael
Take care of rocks first
Take care of rocks first these are the things that matter the most, the rest is just sand
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Alex
Letting go
Always important to remember that our actions as a reflection of our feelings can hurt people and that those actions are our responsibility. Not someone else’s.
KL
Kesha-Lee 💖
Personal and Emotional Growth
I learned that no body in this world can affect my emotions as much as I can. I can control my emotions. I must know that when others treat me unkindly it is not a reflection of who they truly are but how they are feeling in that moment: hurt, triggered or insecure, etc. I love myself. I will control myself and master self-control and discipline. No matter what it takes. I love me and I will act like it. No person can steal my joy when I love me. God loves me. I love me.
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Tamie
Noticing
I noticed that I began to reflect greatly on my own actions as well as others & how the struggle inside & out can be met with compassion & Grace.
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venus
Different aspect
I noticed that this was an overall reminder on how to take in a lot of things from others.
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Karla
No one can hurt you unless you allow it
As a highly sensitive, empathic, and caring person, this session resonated deeply within me. I used to take on the responsibility of other’s feelings and behaviors, so it is very easy for me to slide back into that old pattern if I am not mindful and vigilant. I have set a new standard on how I expect to be treated, and on how I treat others. I still honor my kind and compassionate nature, but I no longer consistently give away everything I am and everything I have to others. That includes not allowing everyone to hurt me, unless I deserve it. I am not perfect, but I do my best to put more love out in the universe, to appreciate life and all living beings. Thank you.
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Seit
I felt sad
Because I am doing the right thing. Stepping away from someone, that maybe causing harm.
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Wiki
I felt bad about myself
But I learned that someone thinking negatively of something that I put work into doesn’t really matter because if I tried my best I did good and what I think matters too.
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Kim
Empathy
No one can hurt you unless you can empathize with what they say. You need to understand the insult to be offended.
Ar
Aéryel
Hurt and negativity
You can only allow somebody to hurt you if you choose to don’t let other people thoughts about you get you upset or say something negative only you are responsible for your own actions and what you say and how you react
MT
Michael Thomas
Have to do best thing
I have decided to stay back and I am allowed anyone to hurt me and I have to stay calm and stay strong and I know it be hurt but I only trust Myself to do right thing. 😭🙏🏽
TM
Tisha Marie
No one can hurt you
The only thing I can control are my thoughts. That if the ones that hurt me were living in their true selves they would be operating in love with the best of intentions. I can choose to believe in that and try to instead spend my thoughts on my own true intentions and operate my actions in love. To practice instead, loving myself and learning how to be loved by myself instead of focusing on others actions whether directly aimed at me or inadvertently aimed so.
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Vinnie
I felt understood
I learned that ultimately I can see with empathy when I remind myself that a person is not their true selves in a moment of conflict. That empathy I can see for the person and now for myself, because their actions are not a reflection of my capability as a person.
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Nina
Fear of being Hurt
I can only be hurt if I allow it. If I take personally the action or words of someone else instead of realizing that it reflects them much more than it reflects me .
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Jenny
You can’t allow others to hurt you
When someone is doing or saying things that are hurtful or bringing you down they aren’t acting in they’re highest self. It’s not a reflection or who you are! You allow whether that affects you or not.
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Jan
People really can hurt you even if you don’t want it to happen
While I generally believe this concept is true, people can still take actions that can result in the destruction of your career-thereby, truly hurt you even if you don’t want to be hurt.
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emily
day 2
I learned that I am not responsible for the way that people feel. I am only in control of the way that I feel.
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Maya
I learned
I learned that I'm not in control of what others think,feel,or do but I am in control of what I think,feel and do.
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Tina
1.) Hurt people hurt people
2.) Boundaries mean that the other person is responsible for the actions causing the hurt but I am responsible for my feelings in response to those actions. I can choose how I respond and what I let influence my feelings.
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Morgan
What was said or done is not yours to own
You don’t have to dismiss what others have done to hurt you but you can shift your perspective and empathize with them, knowing they are not their best selves in those moments.
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Tony
What I felt
I feel more confident in handling certain situations that come my way with others . Learning how to cope with harsh statements and attacks and recognizing it’s not me it’s their inner feeling being projected into me.
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Kyle
No one can hurt you unless you allow it
I resist this idea. But the meditation still really helped me. Thank you! People hurt each other all the time,especially people who also love each other. The most important thing you reminded me of, each of us “is not our highest self in those moments.” That’s for sure! But perhaps the highest Self has not abandoned us, even in those experiences of anguish, maybe the suffering too is part of the learning, part of the revelation toward wholeness. Giving the benefit of the doubt, always, perhaps that is love. And knowing that sometimes, we are powerless to change the negative perceptions of others. That’s freedom.
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Brigitte
Ik merk op dat ik mijn vaak onzeker voel wanneer ik alvin hoor praten met die anderen
I heb geleerd om gewoon hun dingen geen aandacht meer te geven en me te focussen op ons leven hier🙂
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Laurie
Controlling Anger
I often feel that when I am angry I speak terribly to people I care about, because something they have done or I have perceived is hurting me. I need to learn to step back, calm down, and return to the argument more mindfully when I am not feeling so heated. When the instructor spoke of the unkindness not being the person's true self, I believe that for myself. I don't think my anger is who I really am—but it tends to show through easily in arguments.
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Shelly
Can only control your response
I learned that ultimately you are only in control of your own actions and reactions to how people treat you and how you respond to what they say to you.
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Lillian
Mindfulness
I learned that you need to be mindful of the situation a person is in before reacting to negative emotions.
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Kaylan
Thank you
I feel like I'm embarking on a journey that will forever shape me into the person I've always been meant to be. I control my own destiny.
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Brock
No one can hurt you
Take ownership of your thoughts and feelings. Accept others reactions as such in stride.
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Carrie
Your choice
It is my choice to feel hurt and take on the feelings that are a result of hurtful words. To appreciate more that the higher version of those that hurt or cause me pain would never do such a thing. They too are on a journey of self discovery and a work in progress.
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Linda
Excellent , so true
How anyone acts is dependent on how they feel at the time. It has nothing to do with you.
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Deepak
Awesome
Allow yourself of being empathetic and be in service in that situation
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Susan
Curating Joy
Feel happiness in your heart and be open to joy. The more you are open, the more you will find
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Michele
Best self
I’m going to try really hard with this one...not to be triggered or upset or to let that hurt in. Instead I will ask the person doing the hurt...”are you being your best self in this moment?”💝
WJ
Walter J
Freeing...
Dorothy allows us to break free from the opinions & comments of others in this insightful & powerful session! WOW! No one should allow what another person says to hurt them. Just recognize that they are feeling a certain way and talking from that low place. Their higher self would never talk this way but they must feel hurt or angry at the moment. Do not take it personally, but recognize they must be in pain. Maybe even use the time to help them get over their hurt by speaking love & higher thoughts into them! If this idea could be taught to everyone, what a more enjoyable world we would live in. Thanks Dorothy! ❤️👍🏼🍀
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Deb
No one can hurt you
I learned that when my sister was acting mean toward me during my mother’s illness and afterwards she was hurting herself. She was not in a good place herself and her strolling out at me was just her way of handling the terrible situation we were all dealing with. I have always been looked upon D being strong by her, but she never understood how much it that she managed to get the rest of y siblings angry at me as well when in fact it wasn’t my fault our mom was dying. I was just the one that she thought could handle her anger. I’ve been hurt by this for 20 years because I’ve allowed it to hurt me. I am the only one that can make that pain go away. I need to understand where she was at that time & forgive her.
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Jessica
I needed this tonight. It made me realize when I get abused from others it’s not my fault. Also to realize it’s not the person but the moment they are in that they are acting like that. It made me fee
That it’s not my fault. The yelling and screaming and abuse isn’t because it’s my fault. It’s because of the moment the person is in. They are fighting their own demons. I never thought of it like that before. I try so hard and I want love so bad from the people who are constantly putting me down and put so much toxicity in my life. But maybe we both want the same thing?
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Angie
Huge takeaway!
Only I, am capable of changing how I feel. This is a concept I know needs the most work before entering anymore relationships. For 41 years I’ve had it all wrong.
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Lori
Definitely needed
I needed to hear this as I was going through a situation with someone in my family and this has helped me see things differently.
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Daleia
Very much needed
I need to keep this as a constant reminder and this was nice just for reassurance.
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