I learned that my past is having a very big effect on my present self, I realised that I have not healed but rather put away a part of myself along with the harsh memories, I felt so sorry for my past self and what I went through and so much compassion for that version of me who had to go through it all on her own. It helped me to see this is the reason I never ask for help, it has become a coping mechanism for me to make people think that I am ok when I’m not I even convinced myself I was ok, so that I won’t have anyone feel sorry for what I went through, because I blamed myself for what happened to me, I felt I didn’t deserve to have anyone help me. I felt like it was my fault so I must go through that pain alone and not let anyone see or know. And I pushed aside my pain in order to get my children back home with me. I came to this app because I lost my sense of self and my own feelings. In the corner of my mind the past was trying to enter my mind but I kept shutting the door, it’s going to be along road from here to finally free myself from this. A very long road unfortunately.