I think the hydrophobia I already suffer might be connected to wash my dishes as well as showering, but that is just a guess.
They are the two things I avoid studiously because of very traumatic experiences in my childhood. I want them each to NOT MATTER.
I’m capable of doing each on a daily basis, but I find myself constantly putting them off until I actually run out of things like mugs and silverware.
I remember sensory overload issues with grease in water when I was younger because my mother doesn’t have this problem so she doesn’t have to care about grease and water.
I remember how slippery it felt. It was gross. But I also have a memory of smearing peanut butter all over the kitchen counter and then being placed in the bathtub while covered in peanut butter.
It’s a wonder that I can eat peanut butter. But the only upside to seizures is that they can uncover memories of when I was extremely young, though they can come back really randomly, too.
To gauge the age of the memory of my mother holding me, I asked her how old I was when she held me for the first time and she said a month (I was extremely premature), so I know that some of my memories have to be set before that happened.
Those memories are to be cherished because at the time I was cherished. I have a tough time feeling that I am cherished now.