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Help! I Still Love My Ex

3 Min
Life Coaching
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Happiness Insight
Clinical Psychologists Wellbeing Experts
Have you had your heart broken? When we go through a breakup, we often get stuck on repeat, replaying the past and longing for it. But do you really still love them? You need to listen to this if you are feeling stuck pining for your ex. 
From the community
83 reflections
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Erica
Love
Listened for insight but not sure this applies- although maybe I'm in denial. In answering the questions i did feel loved- letting go can be love. I can appreciate Cs situation and feel that she chose to respect me with honesty and letting me go. She wrote me a very loving message of congratulations, but has honored her own words by keeping her focus where it needs to be. Her consistency in emotion is helpful. I think I do still love her and while Im working on letting her go the love I feel so strongly in this space is really for myself. I would love if our paths come back together but i think a part of me will love her regardless, as a person, and as the beautiful soul she exists as.
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Sarah
What I needed to hear
I’ve been going through a tough relationship and have been catching myself feeling like as discribed in this... this was what I needed to hear to help me figure out how to go about this situation.
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Stefania
Her ex
I have a friend that stepped out of a relationship like a while ago but she is still heartbroken and I don’t even know what to say to her to feel better. Now I do. I have to let her know that it isn’t worth it.
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Markus
This is very true
We should get caught up in fantasies about what things could be but what they are. The other person has to care too for there to be love in a relationship it can't be from only one person.
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Kevin
My daughter mother
I love my daughters mother so much we are not together at the moment due to my mess ups I do love her and my daughter to death but idk if she still loves me but I really hope she does maybe one day we can be together again and stick to it
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Eli
Day 3
This one on heart break helped me a lot because throughout the day I was forced to see or be near my ex when they were happy. I hate to see him like that. How come I am so miserable? I’m gonna text him saying all this.
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John
My Ex.
I learned that no matter what I have been going through and no matter how unfair and awful it may have been, I did right by her and can hold my head high. Also she is not the person I love anymore, can’t dwell on why or how but need to move forward with MY LIFE because I deserve love and happiness.
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Matthew
After 6 years
I am still in love with who she is. Even as she leaves me to find the life she truly wants to live. I love her courage, her hopefulness, her heart. I admire her strength; she is a rock. My loneliness hurts—but I still love her. I will look after myself now. I will heal. I will be a better man for having loved. Myself. And her.
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Lorena
My Ex
I know that she will never love me because she always cheated on me then I realize I can stop loving her she got me in depression so I left her and now I’m happy
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Jaylyn
My Past
I need to let go instead of holding on to the love I have and been letting it hurt me more than I should of been. He was there but was he really there for me...
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Marzia
Listened to advice about relationships
I am not crying over an ex but my best friend. I told her I didn’t like her boyfriend because I didn’t think he was treating her well, and when I did that, I felt like she stopped talking to me as much. I then said some things and she said some things back and when I apologized, she never acknowledged my apology. I got angry and lashed out, calling her a shitty friend, self-absorbed, and oblivious to how she has been treating me. She asked for a break. This was a month ago. Now I have tried apologizing but it turns out she has blocked me. How could someone who just wanted a break and who told me I meant so much to them just treat me like I don’t exist? I miss her so much and cry daily. I love her because she was the first person who wanted to be my best friend. But after listening to the advice in the 3 minute video, I realized that if she really loved me, she would have given me a chance to explain myself. I have to start looking for a friend who really cares about me and who would not give me the silent treatment when I told her the truth about her boyfriend. I only wanted the best for her but all she wants is to be with him even though he is inconsiderate.
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Marzia
Listened to advice about relationships
I am not crying over an ex but my best friend. I told her I didn’t like her boyfriend because I didn’t think he was treating her well, and when I did that, I felt like she stopped talking to me as much. I then said some things and she said some things back and when I apologized, she never acknowledged my apology. I got angry and lashed out, calling her a shitty friend, self-absorbed, and oblivious to how she has been treating me. She asked for a break. This was a month ago. Now I have tried apologizing but it turns out she has blocked me. How could someone who just wanted a break and who told me I meant so much to them just treat me like I don’t exist? I miss her so much and cry daily. I love her because she was the first person who wanted to be my best friend. But after listening to the advice in the 3 minute video, I realized that if she really loved me, she would have given me a chance to explain myself. I have to start looking for a friend who really cares about me and who would not give me the silent treatment when I told her the truth about her boyfriend. I only wanted the best for her but all she wants is to be with him even though he is inconsiderate.
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Jasmine
Boy bye
I don't need him. I'm better off on my own . I have always known I was better off on my own but I pushed it with him because I wanted it to work and you know what if it didn't work it's because it wasn't love . These things happen and it's ok. Move on and be a better you .
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Mirna
Noticed
I noticed that I need to give myself a reality check and tell myself they aren’t who they used to be when we dated
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Nia
Trust yourself
Listen to the messages that I've been telling myself. Realize what is going on in the present, with the person who is in front of you today at this very moment, and not the person he used to be. Which person were you in love and happy with .Is it him right now or who he was.
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Manuel
Aching heart
Words cannot truely describe the pain, the truthful pain, that this message has put out in front of me, I just honestly am feeling so many emotions at this point, dealing with my relationship with my gf and trying to balance and make good choices through out my college life and life in general, I just can’t describe it in one message how I really feel towards this
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Callie
False Love
I learned that I don’t still love him. I love who he was. I realized he is incapable of becoming that person again, so I am incapable of loving him again. Although it hurts seeing him with other girls, I know I ultimately deserve a better love.
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Amanda
He’s not important anymore.
I learned that he’s not going to be the same guy he once was. Ive realized that he played with my heart to hurt me once again and then ended up running back to his new girl. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop giving him the time of day so that I can move on properly.
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Phoebe
I still have questions
I've been aware for a long period of time that I've been in love with the idea of this person, but I still don't know how to get over that idea of them. It doesn't help when the physical person who is the vessel for the version in my head still exists, but how do I sever that tie of who the person actually is, and who I want them to be?
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Linzy
Past love always seems greener
This was hard for me to listen I’m in a wonderful relationship and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sometimes feelings come up and I think what if, what could have been but I’m too close at those times bc when I’m clear headed I know the past isn’t what I want. my future is so bright and beautiful that maybe I’m too scared to have what i want so thoughts of sabotage arise, once you know you have what u want, whats next?
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Laycee
Love
I learned that people change over time and we often think of ideas of those people from the past and not the present. We turn those ideas into emotion which isn’t real love. We all deserve real love not ideas or memories of past love.
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Ian
Eye opener
I realized through this message that there is a larger difference between loving someone and loving the idea of someone.
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Erika
Love reality check
This was helpful. I recently experienced a painful break up. And I do find myself missing him and still love him. This session reminded me to check in with myself and the reality of where things are between us. They are not good. We do not even speak anymore. So I can now see that I am between missing the things he used to do, the love we once had for each other and the reality that right now I am not receiving the love I deserve from him and vice versa.
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Sara
Such clarity
I’ve been trying to tell this to my ex for some time now. I wish I could send him this but I know he needs to actually be ready and willing to hear this and listen. I pray deeply for his healing & I really hope he’s able to let go and move on.
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Kirsten
Missing him
I have been very stuck lately. I have been pining for my ex and wanting nothing more than to text him or call him or show up at his house. I have never felt this way about anybody else but for the last month he wasn’t treating me right and he cheated on me and I had to end it. I keep wanting him back though because I miss him or love him but this helped me to understand that maybe I just miss the idea of him and the way he used to be. That’s not him anymore.
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Christine
Sad but true
This came at a timely moment. I struggle with holding onto the past of what my ex was and the what if’s of some imagined better future. The reality is the present moment hurts, and is not what I want for myself. This is not love. I deserve better. It starts with acknowledging the present reality and providing that love for myself.
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Alexis
The Cold Hard Truth
Reality and expectations are often very different. When you want to reminisce bring yourself to the truth. Check into reality and realize that it’s time to move forward we can’t stay stuck in a rut forever. How was he treating me: loving caring took time for me. But now? Mentally verbally abusive tries to gaslight situations PTSD and alcoholic. Sleeps with everyone. So is he the same as before no? Maybe eventually he’ll come back but for now you can’t worry or replay situations you have to move forward you made mistakes he did too. Now do what you need to be happy.
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Kim
Breakups are so painful
I learned I have to focus on right now. He may or may not come back, so it is important to live for today. It’s so hard.
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Grace
He gone
He’s gone, he left. But I don’t think I have the power to erase my feelings for him.
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Nina
I don’t love then
I just feel rejected. I loved the attention and the rejection just hurt so much that I’m trying to fix it or change their mind. It’s not going to happen.
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Hanga
He left
He left me so heartbroken that i feel im never going to be okay again..also still love him despite of everything
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Gabby
I’m not in love with him
I’m in love with my memories of who he was. Not who he is currently. In love with the idea of who he might be, who we might be. Not the alcoholic he is now
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Stephany
The cold heart
Listening to this kills me. It hurts me so much. No matter how much I wish he was the man he was before I know I will never get that man back. The man who always gave me love, affection and attention. The man who could hardly stand being away from me and now all I can get is a single touch or look or I love you. It's so hard to let go but I know I have to. I wish we could have made it to be a family for our beautiful son but I just know I am not enough to try harder and to give the love I deserve .
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Jeff
Reciprocity
The important thing I got out of this was that if they don’t love you back you need to MoveOn. You deserve someone who loves you equally. Anything less is not really worth your time.
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Destiny
I learned that....
I deserve real love not storybook love🤪 hehe why I gotta write so much ...
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Shakayla
Heartbroken💔
So true I wish we could go back to the way it was because I really miss him but he doesn’t like me anymore because he like my bestie, the only reason I broke up with him is because he stopped feeling with my and started news feeling with that girl I hate 😒 than he stopped liking her and now he started new feelings with my bestie 💔 but I telling her that she would be cute with him not really I’m thinking “ omg why 😭”
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Elisabeth
Never forget or regret
I’m going to remember those great times we shared because I had a blast. I know that it’s all different now, we’re both 14 years older, and I don’t regret anything. I can make new memories to cherish. Leave the past and make sure to relish the present and the future.
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Kady
Day Four
I learned that the love that I had was not the love that I deserved, and I deserve a love more like a dog’s love. A dog’s love is unconditional. A dog will love you whether you failed a class, quit a job, are having a hard time. They are always there to love you and cuddle you and get you out of bed in the morning. I realized this as I was listening to this, and my lovely pupper came and laid right next to me and licked my hand and then cuddled up next to me. I may have failed general chemistry 2, but I will be okay. I may miss my ex, but there is a reason that I am not with him today. There is a reason that we were not meant for eachother. I will succeed in life. I will be okay. I will progress. I will come through. I will be me.
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Vivian
I deserve that love
I really loved this cause it helped me so much through a really tough time and gave me some awesome insights❤️
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Tim
What we need to hear
Of course it’s not what we want to hear, it’s not what we’d like to hear, but rather what we need to hear, understand, and act upon. Thinking about it if that ps3 is more important than texting me after we broke up 3 days ago than that’s not love, if she wasn’t willing to talk to me about why she wanted to break up was she really trying to fix it or did she really care? I don’t know and I don’t wanna judge her anymore, but I have to continue doing what’s best for me now, that’s the one thing I’m certain of.
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Kyrie
Past Love
When you think you still love an ex, what you really love is what he/she was when your relationship was at its best. You don’t love who they are now (someone who probably has moved on). You deserve to be with someone who loves you back, someone who loves you now.
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Charlie
Is it really love?
Asking yourself if you’re happy with where you are in a love relationship Right Now is so important. Is it really love?
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Ray
Love is reciprocal
If you love them but they’re not loving you back, is that really love? That was an illuminating — but still very hard — pill to swallow... 🤕
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Annie
Help! I Still Love My Ex
Through listening to this story, I learned about letting go of someone, because they were someone in the past doesn't insist that they will stay the same, and in general this backs up a sort of laissez-faire lifestyle with relationships, which i find important to modern life.
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Isobel
Being hurt
I have learnt how I was miss treated, though this feeling of not being enough is still here this sense that I’m not quite what anyone is looking for like it will keep happening again.....
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Nikolina
I wish I had this app sooner. I realized even years later I grieve what was.
I think it could be the same, but I realized it is just a memory I hold on to, not true love I deserve.
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Rryan
Exactly what I needed.
I learned how to view this as a whole new perspective. This made it very clear and was exactly what I needed to move forward.
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Hayley-Rose
I’ve moved on
Listening to this made me realise that I have moved on more than I have acknowledged. That I don’t love my ex anymore and that my dreams that pop up from time to time to mess with my head are just going back in time as wishful thinking and nothing to do with my waking reality of what is. For anyone who is fresh into a break up I imagine this will be highly beneficial. For me, over a year down the line from my (then) husband walking out on me, it’s more validating the progress that I have made than giving me fresh insight or perspective. I’m glad that I gave it a listen though.
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Hodan
Sad
I learned that the people u love can turn against u and people who u think love u don’t
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Nely
I still love my ex
I can still feel the pain but you’re right love is a reciprocal I didn’t get the love from him so it’s better to stop, coz I don’t deserve this
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Roz
I feel that at this moment I am not loved I don’t want to keep yearning for the love that was
I learned that it’s not enough if my love isn’t reciprocated
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Garik
Love is reciprocal
I love the idea of what our relationship was and could be. However, love is reciprocal and I deserve all the love I give reciprocated.
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Imelda
Grieving
I need more of this. I need healing and recovery. My husband just walked out on me. He cheated on me and he chose his life now with another woman over me and our children. I learned that 21 years of marriage and having a family is not enough and not a safety or security to keep us together. It hurts so much that I am numb, tired. I pray that this intense feeling would be over.
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Annette
I loved who I thought he was not who he is.
This is the reminder I keep telling myself when I am low. Even though it’s hard I am better off alone
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Luca
i love how she used to be
i have learned that i dont love the new her rather i was in love with the old version of her and that my love wasnt reciprocated hence why it didnt work out.
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Noelia
Ideals vs Reality
Don’t fall into ideas. What you wish had gone differently. What you wish you could have changed. What you wish had stayed the same. This is the past. This has all faded away. Focus on what is here now. Let your imagination rest, don’t allow the facade to control you. It’s just an illusion. Be here. Be present. Focus on reality. The sun is shining now, so don’t worry about the past.
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Lisa
Loving my ex
He is holding me back. This was a reminder that I love who I thought he was.
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Veronica
Is it really love
I had difficulties coming to terms with my abrupt breakup and a part of me wonder if I actually did want my ex back. So I am just still trying to figure out if I like the idea of us being together then or do I really still love him
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Krystle
I won't let anyone in because
I won't let anyone in my life because I'm afraid of getting hurt like I did last time I let someone in, my ex-husband. I'm too scared of feeling that way, he left me. And I'm afraid I can't trust anyone with my health except my mother, I feel like either they'll screw up my medication on accident or even on purpose. I don't trust anyone else except my mom. I have serious trust issues, but in this case it has to do with my physical well-being, not emotional well-being. I don't if I can trust anyone else ever again.
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Marcus
It was short but sweet ...
But finding numerous connections with a person doesn’t mean that they are in a position to be available, even if they had/have real affection for you. Nor are you necessarily available, but the years of loneliness can prompt us to let our guard down too quickly. Desperation isn’t a kind companion, but it’s not malevolent, it wants what it thinks is best for you, like a caring friend blinded by the reality of your life. Be well, Ashley, and thank you for what time we had.
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Belu
Dia 1
Entiendo que estoy sufriendo por la idea de amor que tenía y por la persona que él solía ser. No estoy enamorada de quien es ahora, no esta ni estuvo emocionalmente disponible para mi durante el último mes y eso no es amor. Tengo que aceptar que el ya no es la persona que era y esta nueva persona que es no es quien yo quiero para mi, porque no me lo merezco. Merezco amor, merezco que me valoren y me tomen de la mano en los momentos difíciles. Me merezco un compañero, alguien que de todo de si por nosotros, por los dos. No “para mi”, como se me acusa. Definitivamente el no esta en el lugar indicado y por eso yo tengo que seguir. Perdonar y encontrar paz en mi corazón para poder salir adelante.
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Teola
It’s hard to hear..
But it’s true. Reality hurts, yet we much face it. Learning about love lost is one of the hardest things we might ever face.
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M
It’s not love
He chose alcohol. He loves alcohol, not me. He is not the man I met any more. He does not know how to love me. I deserve better and more.
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Nick
Living
I learned that who I truely am is still there. I see me in surroundings that make me truely happy.
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Valeria
The actions of the now...
I need to replace my memories of the past with the now. If it was really that great, I would still have it now. I really needed to hear this today
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Edwin
Wow
Dit zijn de juiste vragen. Direct, eerlijk en confronterend. En ergens wist ik het wel en weet ik het wel. Maar durf ik het gewoon niet aan te gaan. Dit zal ik elke dag aan moeten gaan deze vragen. Afstand creëren. De pijn en het verdriet aan gaan. De fantasie loslaten.
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Elisabeth
Excellent
This helped me realize when I think about a significant past relationship that broke my heart that my memories are skewed in an era and time that no longer exists and that neither he nor I exist any longer in the people that we were but rather in whom we are now, two people with only music in common. Nothing more.
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Chela
It reminded me that
Sometimes i romanticize the idea more and miss the reality of things
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Julia
I am not experiencing this right now and wonder why it was chosen for me
I am not experiencing this right now and wonder why it was chosen for me.
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Michele
My 38 year relationship
Even though we are now divorced I find myself often wondering what if and if only. However, hearing this today made me realise that I can still care even though he doesn’t. So therefore no longer love. I do deserve love from someone who will reciprocate and be there for me...and I wont mind if he absolutely adores me!🤩
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Jacqui
Anxiety Rising
I learned about things I already knew. I’m very aware and my eyes are open to my situation. However, it’s complicated beyond measure. I’ve literally never been in this position and it scares me. I used to think I wanted this. A way to show my children independence, through me. A single mother that makes it work. I don’t like that idea though. I want us to be a family and I want to fix things. I want to get back to where we were in the beginning, but so many situations have altered our personalities and it’s just not as simple as the suggestions in this session. My anxiety began to build immediately just from seeing the title. I ended up with more anxiety than I started with, and from my very first session. Bummer.
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Pam
Loving myself
I know I am going to be in a better place after I learn to love myself
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Marcus
Wow
While difficult to listen to certain segments, it is the hard truth of some relationships. I would only add that sometimes life’s circumstances can detract from a person’s focus. Constant communication and checking in with how you feel are critical on any relationship. Done wait until it’s too late to tell them how you feel.
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Megs
Jairo
It is not love anymore. That this is not the love I deserve.
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Lita
I understand now
I learned that I miss my ex because I miss what we had but now I can move on
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Shannon
Love is real.
If I think ‘partner,’ or family,’ or ‘love’ is love, than I feel loved right now, in kind, with the people these words represent to me. If my love is not returned or I feel hurt by the people these words represent, love is not present in these relationships. I deserve other relationships where I feel happy and loved equally by other people.
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EQ
Loving myself
The hardest thing for me is to find self love when nobody is there to affirm it. I hurt with the rejection of a breakup, and being alone to love myself after that is painful
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Ray
Imaginary Distraction
I’m allowing imaginary love to block out potential love from others and self. I can let this go...
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Teresa
I remember what it was, not what it is
I leaned that it is a fantasy that I miss. It has been bad and unsupportive for years.
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Marzena
Ugh...
My brain believes this but my heart hurts. The hard part isn’t even over yet.
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Nick
Present
Helped me begin to realize that I’m stuck on a loop of how things were and how they could or should be if only I had done this or not done that or if I had found the magic words to make everything better again, but all along have been in denial of how things actually are.
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Nick
Present
Helped me begin to realize that I’m stuck on a loop of how things were and how they could or should be if only I had done this or not done that or if I had found the magic words to make everything better again, but all along have been in denial of how things actually are.
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Nick
Present moment
Starting to understand how I’ve been looping between how great things once were and how they could be that way again,if only I hadn’t screwed up this or done that or found the magical words that would instantly change everything and make it all better, but I’ve been refusing to see or accept how things are in this moment. She can still be utterly amazing but unable to work things out, especially when I have so much work to do to accept and love myself in order to truly receive another’s love. I need to be my own affirmation or I’m setting myself up to repeat this cycle of pain and loss.