Filling Yourself Up...
I’m imagining it vertical conveyor belt of light cycling from my abdomen to my sternum. I’m finally able to do this meditation after my thoughts distracted me the first time.
If I can imagine what this conveyor belt is moving, it’s a selection of nourishment in different types of fruit and a thought about what I’m going to eat on my birthday this coming month because of how I couldn’t do anything last year.
I’m not talking about the dinner portion, but the pint of ice cream I always have at the time I was born. I’m thinking whether I want to eat something healthy, but in the last year, I’ve eaten very little sugary foods in the long run.
Some of it, I definitely regretted like the cheesecake I made with my mother because I didn’t get to share it with anyone else and dishes of food, as well as stuff like sour cream and onion dip — as I found out because of being brought a huge selection of dairy products because I didn’t have enough food — are meant to be SHARED.
Chips WITH DIP are really, truly, is not meant to be eaten alone. No one was meant to spend special days by themselves so then we started to pile up stuff we were going to do on that one special day and forgot to look at it logically.
I cannot allow myself to eat Ben & Jerry’s, Benihana, Red Robin, and a birthday cake all on the same day and I’m starting to wonder am I building an allegory for how much we internalize feelings only to throw them up later.
Some feelings desperately need to be shared so they don’t destroy us. One’s relationship with food really well illustrates this concept.
I’m going to have to choose what to step away from in favor of having a healthier option to avoid horrible consequences in the future for choices we didn’t make better in the present.