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Escaping Abuse: Why We Stay, How to Leave, 4 Strategies to End the Cycle

50 Min
Life Coaching
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Dorothy Zennuriye Juno
Psychotherapist & Meditation Teacher
In this episode I want to remind you of the power that you hold to choose for yourself the right and best relationship, and how you can stay clear of relationships that are damaging and abusive. I also wish to illustrate how living with abuse, perpetuates a cycle of dependency and the eradicating of one's self-worth and sense of self; and I will share the story of my client 'Beth', and the four strategies to prevent you from finding yourself in an abusive relationship and enable you to leave. TRUTH SERUM: There are many forms of abuse. Abuse is, by definition, the mistreatment of another; whether intentional or as a facet of one's consistent actions that one may not be self-aware of. A-HA MOMENTS: Abuse in the traditional variant forms that we categorize as physical, emotional, and psychological all originate with one's thoughts and beliefs; that is what one tells one's self and justifies in being discriminating, hurtful, and disrespectful towards another, and how one's misguided intentions can lead into a situation and a relationship that is both damaging and abusive. PRACTICAL WISDOM: We know that relationships that are unhealthy and abusive are also complex and complicated. We stay in these relationships for different reasons; whether because we have convinced ourselves that there is something of benefit to us in staying; or we anticipate the enormous effort it will take to execute our decision to leave. We stay because we tell our self that the "relationship is really not that bad"; that maybe "we deserve how we are being mistreated"; and in some cases, we may tell ourselves "we don't care." If you are listening to this episode because something deep within you is yearning for help, guidance, and perhaps validation of what you know but have been afraid to believe, I hope that in listening, you will allow your inner voice to become louder, to rely on it for what you know is true and to be willing to care for yourself first with the knowledge that you are not alone, that you will get through this; that you will feel better, happier, and stronger; and that if and when you choose it, you can and will find the right partner and the love that you truly want. If you need my help, please reach out to me: Namaste! xo
From the community
3 reflections
Family of Origin
I never realized the profound effect of my mother’s death when I was only 9 and subsequent neglect, though unintentional, had on me. We didn’t get counseling help then and really should have. My dad left me and my younger sister to be raised by an older sister who was just barely an adult herself. These experiences from childhood have shaped my emotional expectations and better help me understand the decline of my 25 year marriage. I so appreciate this insight.
Escaping abuse
I was able to identify my childhood abuse by listening. Which has explained the pattern of abusive husbands I’ve had, but I’m left with a burning question: How do you separate yourself from your 3 abusive older brothers who are holding your mother with dementia hostage?
It's so hard
I have allowed a toxic person to be in my life for some time now. I need to make a change. Every time I'm doing great, he's back again. I'm ready to do the work needed on myself to stop the cycle.
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