I learn that there are various emotion in myself. If my emotion is a weather, it is raining with scary ice rain that can harm me at anytime. Further, I am sitting on a cave wide blue white cave, alone in the wide place.
I was also feeling so painful because of billy. Please stop being kind to me. But maybe I love him.. because it always feels like I am running a marathon and I never rest. So his kindness really touches my heart, and make me able to relax a little. Soothing the tension. And that’s why I love him. Make me feel safe. But I don’t want to depend on him to feel safe. I want to feel confident and loved unconditionally. Throwing away the media the drama I’ve consumed all this time. I don’t want to be spoiled. I want to be a warrior. I am warrior.
Understand that everytime he treats you sweetly, it will create addiction that will harm you in the long run. Because guess what? He is not the one. The one for you at least want to be with you and love your presence unconditionally.
Even his expectation to me hurts too.