That was incredible. I am that person, the one ready to accept and invite in all of my selves. Widowhood has given me the opportunity to think without interruption, in silence, for however much time it takes.
I invite in my little girl as well as my 54 year old self who had to toughen up after my first husband died of cancer. And I had to be strong when I built a home on a lake and dealt with all the contractors who arrived to add their pieces to the beautiful puzzle we made. Ten years a widow, grateful to live a life of books, movies, music and making art. Then an introduction to a sweet man and with him we discovered the big holes in ourselves where loneliness lived. We married and he was diagnosed with cancer, then Alzheimer’s and when we reached our 10th anniversary he no longer knew me. He died just weeks after that. I knew I needed and wanted to live near family and made that happen in a small cottage on another lake.
I have been so many selves out of necessity and because I wanted to be the woman who danced alone in her studio or the woman who kayaked because she loved using her muscles.
Now I am 75 and still boogie alone or sit with my coffee to check the lake(loons arrived today before heading further south), or walk over to meet new neighbors with a bottle of wine in hand and ask them if they have three glasses. There is also the self who screamed out over both my husbands bodies. Two good men who died too soon.
She is invited in with love and acceptance. For the first time I have seen the strength and grit that others tell me they see. It has all come together while listening to your meditation.
Thank you, thank you. 🙏🏼