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Befriending and Self-Compassion

3 Min
Meditation
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Mark Quirk
Psychologist, Coach, Mindfulness Teacher
Developing an attitude of friendliness towards ourselves can help us deal more effectively and realistically with the challenges of daily life.  And, if we are able to cultivate this attitude towards our self, we're much more likely to offer the same attitude to others, and in so doing improve our relationships. This practice is a great way to start the day.
From the community
58 reflections
T
Tiffany
Rejection
I struggle accepting feelings of warmth, safety, and friendliness for myself because I was taught to be unseen, unheard and unimportant as a child. Today those feelings came slamming back into me. I learned that my own mom labeled me as bipolar when talking to my ex. My own mom helped him gain power to keep my daughter away from me. Her claims are patently false beyond belief. I had to undergo 5 mental health evaluations & a forensic psychological exam to refute claims about my mental health. My own mom. Hurt me deeper than anything I suffered from my ex. This is the story that keeps on giving.
E
Everett
Forget
Swords in back in the ass I know all people use reason and that sin is the body reason walks in
F
Felicia
love this app
i loved how A told me to think and focus on the best qualities of someone that is near to me with no complicated feelings. Then putting their good habits into my self, it did make me think and feel like i should be proving myself
B
Beverly
Peace
Peace comes from the kindness and ease you give to yourself and others.
H
Hailey
Kindness
I️ learned how to think of being kind to myself in a different way, through the perspective of a friend.
S
Steve
Warmth of love
Picturing amazing people around me who give me strength and warmth - felt so real
J
Julie
Kindness
Being kind to yourself and to others is the key to leading a happy life
M
Mike
2nd session
I learned that I really do need to form a stronger friendship with someone who enjoys the things I do too. We need to be able to fish together and help each other whenever it’s needed.
M
Mia
Faith
In me, in the world I am creating, in the people around me, in my words, in my dreams, in my feelings, in my goals. I must always be my best friend, caring, loving, trusting me, and the universe will take care of itself.
T
Tammy
Befriending
Each day I am learning to love and appreciate myself more and more. This lesson is to help us connect with those emotions. It is sad really how long we live in our bodies and with ourselves and yet most of us do not practice self love.
K
Kristen
making more connections
i make connections with people on a daily basis, but during my meditation i realized that i actually do not have a strong connection with people but rather keep it at a basic level of just knowing the person.
L
Lea
Thankful
I learned that I need to allow myself the comfort of being in the state of health and happiness and enjoy those moments
D
Dominika
Sunday morning before work
I learned that to be more kind and leaving an unnecessary staff behind me is making myself better and more happy
A
Arana
Speaking words
It was very helpful to think of people with whom I have an uncomplicated relationship with and think kind words about them and then speak the words about myself. It relaxed my and my session was over before I knew it.
J
Jacob
1/8/18
Kindness from the soul can be filtered out by external forces. These forces must be dismantled brick by brick, starting with awareness and acknowledgement.
JW
J.W.
simple pleasures
A good night’s sleep streaming cup of coffee the sound of the wind in the trees Music Laughter Kindness Holding hands A kiss on the cheek Tears of joy
P
Pia
It’s okay to love myself
I never realized that I love and trust my husband more than I love and trust myself!
E
Ella
Self-friendliness
I am learning that I must be my own best friend if I ever want to be a good partner to someone. It takes time and I am doing the work, slowly but surely.
J
Janelle
Creating feelings of kindness to others and then placing on myself was powerful and invoked tears
I should be kind to myself more often. Creating feelings of kindness to others and then placing on myself was powerful and invoked tears
L
Lori
Befriending
To find that one person or pet that makes me feel safe and companionate and bring that feeling to myself through out every day.
G
Grace
Kindness
Bringing the feelings of kindness that we feel toward other people and reflecting it toward myself is new to me, but I like it.
L
Lily
Silence
To enjoy the silence when you can. I realized that I do better when it comes to my breathing exercises in silence since it allows me to focus more on myself and my breathing
M
Miriam
Productivity
A good start improves the Quality and productivity of my day
S
Sydney
Friendliness
It's good to be kind to others, but it is just as important to love yourself.
Sb
Sébastien
Kindness
Be kind to others and do not forget to be kind to yourself also
S
Sharmine
Kindness begins from within
By being friendly with ourselves and listening to our body, we are opening ourselves to kindness. To smiling at others. And to becoming friendly with the rest of the world.
T
Tara
Befriend yourself
I need to be my own friend. Looking out for what is a good healthful choice for my own well being as a friend who encourages you, roots for you, seeks to make you happy and welcome. I need to do this for myself so that I am healthier and happier and in turn will be a better friend, wife and mother to those I love.
C
Chelsea
My dog
I focused on my dog and realized that I am never nearly as nice to myself as I am to her and others. I deserve to be nice to myself.
M
Maddy
Attitude of friendliness
I don’t think very friendly things about myself despite doing it for others and I need to work on that
R
Ronda
Friendship
Over the years I have said we have friends for seasons of our lives. There is one friend with whom I am impatient, unkind, and many times just down right cruel. That friend is me. I need to begin to be as patient and kind to myself as I believe I am to others. Maybe by doing this I will be that person I want to be.
v
valerie
...
Notice the good in the people more often than the bad. Everyone deserves a chance to be appreciated, including one’s self. Be considerate of yourself, and be positive towards yourself. Open your eyes to the kindness surrounding you, and be the light in someone else’s darkness.
K
Kelsey
Self-Compassion: A Powerful Tool for Daily Life
I came to realize that if we express self-compassion and loving kindness to ourselves, it puts us in a frame of mind that allows us to see our relationships differently. Perhaps we’re more in tune with another’s needs, simply because we took the time to tend to ourselves. Perhaps others will see compassion flowing out of us, causing them to desire the same way of being. Self-compassion is an important but often ignored practice that we all could work on. I know I need to.
J
Janna
Befriending and self compassion
I have a lot of patience and express kindness to my close friends. I do not do as well allowing the same understanding and kindness to myself. What a good reminder this was.
K
Kim
Friend
Loved thinking of the easy people in my life. Need to do that more.
P
Pam
Friendliness
Cultivating friendliness toward the self. Safe, well, sense of ease, protection and kindness is how I feel with some relationships. That is very difficult to turn inward and try to cultivate inwardly. Very. Very. Difficult.
L
Lenny
Calming
This meditation definitely invoked a sense of calmness when I brought my relationship with my self to mind, whereas normally I’d be filled with insecurity and critical self-talk. I deeply enjoyed this practice.
C
Caroline
Befriend me
It’s good to redirect loving care towards self from time to time
J
Jess
Self love
I learned that it is important to love yourself as much as you love other.
A
Ava
Peace
I felt as if there was nothing going on, It was so peaceful.
A
Abby
March 14th
I learned that I deserve to relax and take a care of my mental health.
S
Samantha
3/18
Life is like a rollercoaster 🎢 with all the ups and does it takes you on. But as long as you feel safe and at peace that is all that matters. SCD.
J
Jaia
Neutral
I felt neutral I wasn’t quite in a peaceful state. But I also wasn’t fully restless I was sort of in the middle.
M
Munira
Morning people ..
I’m staying at my university garden which is covered with green color with the sound of birds and the amazing weather . I felt relax and I don’t want to enter my French class after this track lol
S
Sarah
New perspective
I never thought of treating myself like I would treat a friend. Gives me a new approach to situations where I give myself a hard time.
C
Cyndee
Try a new method
I chose a cashier at my grocery store as the friend to think kindly of. When I turned those kinds phrases towards myself it felt a little awkward at first, but I managed to do it. I think this type of meditation is one I should practice more often, because it makes sense. If I practice kindness to myself it should be easier to be kinder to others. It should be truer, not just going through the motions hoping that it will help me get there in time. I have a hard time being kind to one particular person, so I avoid that person. I think I will give this meditation method a shot and see if it helps with this situation. Thanks 🙏 Aura
J
Jalela
Good
I learned that if your stressed this is the app to listen to❤️
R
Ram
Befriending
What a nice word! Concentrating on it and then going on smoothly in meditation in the ‘space of befriending’ should be valuable in healing oneself of ‘cracks, and breaks and dents’ in one’s self and regain the peace and equanimity and love towards everything including oneself. Befriending- yes, it is!
A
Allie
Sunday med
i learned that i can apply the same feelings i have for my best friends to myself. i love mel and soph so much and we are kind and loving to each other. i can be kind and love myself. this means taking one day off a week to self care and do something outside that makes me happy and alive. it means being kind to my body and letting my natural cravings be fulfilled if they are healthy and will make me happy
C
Charnell
Great
I have to forgive in order to fully live. Forgiveness doesn’t dismiss the behavior.
M
Maria
Befriending
Wishing others well reminds me to wish myself well. We are all love and light, some of us simply need more reminders.
S
Steven
What a blessing...
When asked to bring to mind someone you have amicable feelings towards, so many people came to mind. What a blessing that is! Then, to extend that warmth and kindness to myself is so good. Thanks!
P
Patty
Attitude of friendliness
It’s important to relay that attitude of friendliness that I offer to others back to me. If I’m unable to accept it for myself, can I honestly and without reservation pass it on to others? 🌺
C
Cindy
Eye opening
I realized I deep my dislike of myself is. And saddened by it. I can be a great cheerleader to others. I just wish I had someone in my life that could do that for me. Or if I could learn to do it for myself.
lb
~ liesel b ~
Tuesday, June 9th
I love the feeling of contentment that thinking through this practice brought. It can be well associated with the words used; ease and kindness especially.
C
Cherish
Befriending...
We usually never have issues being friendly with another. But, why is it that some of us have issues with being friendly towards ourselves? Could it be that we equated caring for ourselves with selfishness at a young age? Could it be that we thought that if we are friendly with others, they would return the favor and that would be sufficient? In this meditation, Mark has us warm up to the feelings befriending ourselves gives by thinking of a person who we have an attitude of friendliness with. We then go within and direct those feelings to ourselves. Sitting comfortably, I began to think of someone whom I appreciate and have an attitude of friendliness towards. My mind was drawn to my mentor, Lauren. She has been so generous with her time, showing me and others, techniques designed to empower us. Bringing her to my mind, I sent her well wishes and felt my heart smile. Turning towards myself and extending these well wishes to myself, I felt a little awkward at first. Then I remembered that I must befriend myself in order to become my best self. Being reminded of this crucial fact, I asked myself what I needed in this moment. I smiled to myself and said you’re doing it. You’re checking in with yourself and aligning your mind, body and spirit. In this moment, that is enough. Befriending myself, I know that I am not being selfish for giving myself self care. Befriending myself, I know I am not waiting around for someone else to give me any type of validation of sorts. Befriending myself, I am learning to accept myself for me, my flaws and everything, and to always have an attitude of friendliness directed towards myself. Namaste 🙏🏻❤️☮️
S
Sandi
Energy
I noticed when I’m full of positive, I radiate positive and it rubs off on those around me. Human or not-
A
Alyssa
Happiness
I noticed that I feel most happy when I’m around my best friends. They always keep me humble and allow me to be myself without judgement. I feel very grateful :D
A
Andrew
Nine year old great grandson
I have been struggling with oh so much lately. Things have been very difficult physically and emotionally. I am very fortunate to have a very young celestial power in my life who had helped me in so many ways, his innocence and pure love of life have always helped to ground me. In this time of turmoil I have turned to meditation to find myself. The Universe has always spoken to me yet I had barely listened. This young soul joined me today in two of my morning meditations like he was physically in my space and gave me an enormous sense of energy. His color is the most gorgeous teal you could ever imagine, that it has always had everything needed to ground you and project yourself to the Universe. If ever I would be able to tune into telepathy I feel it would begin with him, together we are fine tuning our abilities through the Universe. That will in turn unite and bond our family stronger than any of of could imagine. I love you LaVonte Maurice Joseph please pop into my meditations anytime buddy I look forward to our friendship throughout many generations to come. Thank you, I love you I love you I love you ! 💗 Love alwayz and foreverz your great GrandpaSki.