It is true, what we resist, persists. When something difficult and unexpected happens in our life, it is human nature that we want to try our hardest to change it, to make it better somehow. However, we cannot change what is out of our control, no matter how hard we try. In fact, not accepting reality only induces more suffering on ourselves. For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to accept an unexpected loss in my life. Grieving is a process and no simple task to undertake.
It isn’t only me grieving however. This new reality has inflicted pain upon Kayleigh’s son, Montee also. While I have tried my best to be strong for him by keeping a routine in his life, I see a deep sadness in his eyes at times that literally breaks my heart. Then it dawns on me all over again...we both are trying to accept this new reality.
In this new reality, I am guilty of wanting him to in fact, Be more like how his mom used to be. Kayleigh was indeed, my ‘shadow’, in that wherever I was, she was. No matter how much I yearn for his infinite presence and snuggles in bed, I have to accept that Montee is the way he is, much more independent. Even though I struggle with this new reality, it is what it is. May I Accept This...