Staying together is my solution
I actually realized that we mostly have a healthy relationship, in which unhealthy communication patterns occur a bit too often. Problems are addressed in an aggressive manner by one of the partners, and in some cases the words said can be demeaning to the other person, in which case this situation and specific communication becomes abusive. Yet this happens not to hurt the other, but due to - what I believe - are anger issues that are very hard to live with combined with frustrations. I felt like this behaviour was abusive, and it is, but this does not mean the whole relationship is. We need to learn how to respect each other on days where things go wrong - and I like to believe this is a change we CAN make.