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Reframing Shoulds

5 Min
Life Coaching
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Marisa Moon, NBC-HWC
Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach
Daily, if not hourly, we tell ourselves we should DO something or should BE something...we constantly use "shoulds" when we talk to ourselves in our daily thoughts. Shoulds usually represent guilt or fear about not living up to someone’s expectations. Even guilt or fear about not living up to our own expectations. Follow along as Primal Health Coach Marisa Moon shares a strategy for reframing these thoughts. Learn more about Marisa's philosophy on her podcast called The Foundation of Wellness at (also on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play)
From the community
11 reflections
Marisa, I love this! I find myself doing this often, although I know it is not legitimate to me. Is it just natural? Who are we trying to impress or please or help if we are working on those shoulds? They are definitely not a necessity to living a healthier and happier life. Self imposed shoulds I would like to remove from my self-talk and my life. If you have additional ideas, I would most certainly love to hear them!!! 🙏🏻Namaste 🙏🏻
Good lesson!
I ”should” take it to heart!🤗 I know I put a lot of pressure on myself, but I HAVE to. I've lost so much! I have to either work hard to recoup my losses or need a large windfall of some sort to reclaim everything I feel I've lost and what I feel I need. It's a HARD road I find myself on for sure! Sometimes I think I might not be up to working on bettering my place. I feel like life has given me the cold ”should-er!” 🤪*ba-dum-tiss!*
Reframing my shoulds is a great suggestion. My head/heart are full of them. It is interesting to think of these shoulds as representing fear or guilt for not meeting expectations. They can also be paralyzing. I plan to attempt rephrasing my shoulds & would be interested in hearing more suggestions on this topic.🙏
More, please
I found this helpful and would like to hear more about how to put it into action. I am so much harder on myself than others and often tell myself about things I should have done. I could use some help reframing those talks with myself! I want to let some things go, but I could use a nudge (or maybe sometimes a friendly shove!).
More like this please...
...This was very relatable and helpful, framing my inner monologue in this light.
Great start
I would love more on calming my should please. 😊 It seems I use should a lot an need to redirect.
Reframing shoulds
I was reminded that obligations that include shoulds are based on guilt and fear. Using the practice of reframing it to “if I had more resources I could” or “if I had a greater plan of action, I could” releases me from the blame or shame game. It also allows me to recognize how things could change.
Great tooic
Would like to learn more about this and particularly how motivation plays into this.
I learned that I have been using shoulds as a negative motivator. Would like more info on this. Great psychological insight. Wish more meditations were like this. AD
More like this
School has been getting too me a lot and this was the best meditation I had in a while. I feel like it would be nice if you make more like this so I wouldn’t be feeling/ saying negative things.❤️
Should, Would, Could
This great life coaching session brought back memories of a licensure process a few years ago. My mentor/teacher kept reminding me to quit “shoulding on myself“ - I used (and still use) should a lot. I love what Marissa said about the connection between should and guilt. Her suggestion to replace should with would and could is terrific. This will help me continue to try to be more mindful of my “shoulds”