Reframing "Shoulds"

Should!

Marisa, I love this! I find myself doing this often, although I know it is not legitimate to me. Is it just natural? Who are we trying to impress or please or help if we are working on those shoulds? They are definitely not a necessity to living a healthier and happier life. Self imposed shoulds I would like to remove from my self-talk and my life. If you have additional ideas, I would most certainly love to hear them!!! 🙏🏻Namaste 🙏🏻

Good lesson!

I ”should” take it to heart!🤗 I know I put a lot of pressure on myself, but I HAVE to. I've lost so much! I have to either work hard to recoup my losses or need a large windfall of some sort to reclaim everything I feel I've lost and what I feel I need. It's a HARD road I find myself on for sure! Sometimes I think I might not be up to working on bettering my place. I feel like life has given me the cold ”should-er!” 🤪*ba-dum-tiss!*

Shoulds

Reframing my shoulds is a great suggestion. My head/heart are full of them. It is interesting to think of these shoulds as representing fear or guilt for not meeting expectations. They can also be paralyzing. I plan to attempt rephrasing my shoulds & would be interested in hearing more suggestions on this topic.🙏

More, please

I found this helpful and would like to hear more about how to put it into action. I am so much harder on myself than others and often tell myself about things I should have done. I could use some help reframing those talks with myself! I want to let some things go, but I could use a nudge (or maybe sometimes a friendly shove!).

More like this please...

...This was very relatable and helpful, framing my inner monologue in this light.

Great start

I would love more on calming my should please. 😊 It seems I use should a lot an need to redirect.

Reframing shoulds

I was reminded that obligations that include shoulds are based on guilt and fear. Using the practice of reframing it to “if I had more resources I could” or “if I had a greater plan of action, I could” releases me from the blame or shame game. It also allows me to recognize how things could change.

Great tooic

Would like to learn more about this and particularly how motivation plays into this.

Shoulds

I learned that I have been using shoulds as a negative motivator. Would like more info on this. Great psychological insight. Wish more meditations were like this. AD

More like this

School has been getting too me a lot and this was the best meditation I had in a while. I feel like it would be nice if you make more like this so I wouldn’t be feeling/ saying negative things.❤️

Should, Would, Could

This great life coaching session brought back memories of a licensure process a few years ago. My mentor/teacher kept reminding me to quit “shoulding on myself“ - I used (and still use) should a lot. I love what Marissa said about the connection between should and guilt. Her suggestion to replace should with would and could is terrific. This will help me continue to try to be more mindful of my “shoulds”

Only live with what my own should

I don’t let others opinions determine my life. If I think I should do something, then it is something that I know is the right thing to do. It’s often me knowing what’s right, yet not wanting to follow through. Only time should is effective and useful for me is if I have to make a choice between two important things. I may turn to people who know me well and have my best interest at heart for guidance if I am too indecisive

Thanks

I liked this meditation/instructional audio, more audio of this kind will be helpful. thanks

Action Plan

I learned from this one instead of telling myself or others of things I should be doing which doesn’t make me motivated to complete those tasks is coming up with a plan of action. For me a plan of action gives me something to work towards to.

Day 71

Guilt is a strange thing. I don’t even notice it until I really step back and see what is vexing me. Like a constant spasm in my neck that won’t go away until I regroup my thoughts. Be kind to others, act how you want others to treat you. And be kind to your self

Shoulds

Replace should with it would be nice - great substitute! I think shoulds way too much ...

More sessions please

I do this regularly. Subconsciously and out loud. “I should wake up early tomorrow”, “I should make the bed”, “I should finish those thank you notes”. I often become overwhelmed, and do sometimes think to myself, “no one understands”. Replacing should with making a plan to conquer tasks sounds like a great tool for my situation. I would love more sessions on this topic!

Shoulds

I learned that sometimes I’m the only thing holding me back. Instead of feeling guilty for the things I should be doing, I will start thinking about them in the present moment and how I can tackle it ASAP without stressing myself out.

Shoulds aren’t kindnesses

I learned that I can create a counter narrative re “shoulds” in my life. Doing so alleviates guilt or shame and pushes me to recognize the bigger picture—sometimes there are limitations to what we can do.

More please

I often use parts of my coaching and meditation with my Korean students. Many are suffering from material loss and fear of course they don’t show it... but over the years they have learned to trust me. This virus has changed life as we know it. Please create more!!! With gratitude from an open hearted fellow traveler. May you continue to walk with grace. Judith

Repeat - Yes please! More

I. Can’t tell if the first one went through or not. I share much of my practice with my student in Korea. Any thing. You can help with? Loss of the material etc Thank you for your excellent sessions. From an open hearted fellow traveler, May you continue to walk in grace. Judith

More sessions please!

I really enjoyed this session, I found it relevant and something I would like to continue working on.

More sessions please!

I really enjoyed this session, I found it relevant and something I would like to continue working on.

Unsure about reframe

I don't really feel like the suggestions in the form of phrases are for me. They still produce anxiety in my body. However maybe that's just the initial response and maybe it could still be helpful the more I get used to it.

I didn’t really like the forms of rephrasing.

I think it wou LD still make me feel guilty/or like I am sayIng shouLD

Alternatives to should

I am putting a lot of my own expectations on myself and also assuming some expectations from others without asking them. I could try replacing shoulds with: It would be nice if... If I had the adequate resources required, I could... I could make a detailed plan to...

Lack of motivation

I have trouble with motivating myself to clean and workout. I should clean or I should get up and run. These are self imposed expectations. I feel better when I do them, but the initial motivation to start cleaning or waking up early is the hardest part. Also, a lot of times the activity isn't fun itself, I just feel better after, so I'm just putting off doing it.

Yes! More sessions on this idea

I find applying any new language to “should” is a better direction & feeling...let’s use some new ideas!

More sessions!

I found this to be extremely powerful and helpful to use in reframing negative thoughts.

More sessions

I know that a lot of my negative thinking revolves around shoulds and I would like to find out more about what they are trying to tell me and move past the guilt.

Redirect should

Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. Cut myself some slack.

Redirect should

Just because I can doesn't mean I should. Redurect my thoughts to relax my need for perfection. Question "Why do I feel the need for perfection?"

Redirection

Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. Question my need for perfection. Identify why in this moment I crave perfection, or perhaps control?

Reframing “Shoulds”

I fall into this trap a lot. And as a result, there’s a lot of guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Like I’m not doing everything I need to do. I learned that I can reframe this from “I should...” to “It would be nice if...” I think this takes the pressure off a bit. Because I can’t do everything. And that’s OK. It doesn’t mean I’m inadequate. It doesn’t mean I’m disappointing. And it doesn’t mean I’m a failure.

Reframing Shoulds

I would like more on this I found it to be very helpful. I can reframe My shoulds

I learned

That I’m not living in the present moment if I am thinking of all the things I should be doing

Shoulds

I learned that I have to many expectations on myself and allow others expectations influence my mood and the way I feel About myself too much.

I learned that

How we speak to ourselves really affects us. We need to be more gentle with ourselves

Reframing Shoulds

I need to redirect my thoughts so I don’t put more expectations on myself. I can rephrase to “it would be nice if...” I’d like more sessions in this. I really need to focus more on self-talk.

Shoulds

I learned to feel better about the things I "should" be doing with my life and that it's ok. Also to reword the word should to " if I had the resources to do the things I wanted to do I would".

Shoulds

Some of my shoulds are wishes, others are ones that I know would make me a better person but something is holding me back. For the latter, to be kind to myself, I’ll say “it would be nice if....” until I make it.

Bye bye shoulds

Hello It would be nice If I did have the resources to get this done faster If I create a schedule to dedicate time to this thing I’ll get there I do this too often

Shoulds = guilt never put these 2 together!

I appreciated this new insight on reframing recurring "I should..." statements. Try: "If I had the resources...," "If I have a solid plan in place then I will be able to..." Thank you!

IF-ing...

Never really thought about it, but “should” is a very judgmental word. It does imply guilt for not having done something already. On the other hand ‘if’ brings Hope and adding ‘would’ turns it into a more Beneficial almost declaration statement... It would be fantastic ‘If’ I ‘would’ remove the word “Should” from my vocabulary! I have developed the habit of removing contractions from my speaching & writing over the past several years, since most contractions are negative ... wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, can’t, etc. & do not always translate properly. It is an easy way to take that 1st step to Becoming more positive. So it makes sense to make this a 2nd step & change over to ‘If’ & ‘would’. Thanks Marisa for this powerful idea & suggestion! Namaste ❤️👍🏼🍀

This verbalized how i have always felt but never was conscious of

That making this change could really benefit me and I am interested in learning more about it

Not saying “Should” as much

I learned that from this life coaching, our minds always say should. As I think about all my goals that I am aiming for in my life, I am already replacing “should”, with “I will”, or “ I have the right things for....” Hopefully over time if I continue to support myself without regretting or having fear over things, then I will be able to achieve and learn better.

Should I comment....😉

Yes pleas post more on this. It’s that inner voice that can change and be my mother or grand pa or the crazy younger version of myself that says see you are a screw up. Changing the script is a excellent way to free myself from that. I have also been trying to let go of labeling things as good or bad.

How “should” shows up in my life

“Should” shows up when I’m being pulled into all sorts of assignments but it’s not clear if the work will add value. I feel like I should be doing something different with my life..the guilt is almost unbearable

Should

I learned that I should replace my should with it would be nice if, and stop blaming myself for things like not keeping the house clean or not spending enough time with my family. I would like more information on this topic as I feel I have this problem.

Should

I learned that a more positive approach to “shoulds” that I truly want to accomplish is to say “if I make a plan of action I could...ie “if I plan my meals and make a shooting list I will eat healthier every day “

Change my shoulds

I learned that shoulds are guilt and I will try saying it would be nice if instead. Self talk is where it all starts.

Perspective shift

I like the idea of reframing shoulds because it opens up space for the desire behind it in a more empowering way.

Should of would of could have

Being conscious of the shoulds will give me power over the emotional content that underpins them. Creating plans for repetitive shoulds will help relieve that recurring emotional weight.

Should

I need to reframe. I'm constantly disappointing myself. Too many shoulds make me feel like I'm not doing enough 😪

More sessions please

I was just getting into this session and then it was over ☺️. I would definitely listen to more in-depth discussion on this topic. It plagued me often and gets in my way of productivity.

Words count

Marissa reinforced what my own life coach explained to me, however she was speaking about talking to others and using “should”. I love the alternatives mentioned, to respond to ourselves with motivating words is much healthier than the guilt trip!!

Reframe

I learned that the words I use affect my mental health and use better choices of words.

I use shoulds alot

I learned that I have a lot to learn about myself. And this program will help me in my journey.

Should

I learned that what I should do in the first place and what should I do

A reminder

I know about the “shoulds” but don’t always practice replacing them when stressed.

Encore!

I loved this topic and presentation. Bravo! Encore!! I feel like I have a bucket full of shoulds above me all the time, and if they aren’t raining on me, then the bucket is pounding my skull.

Shoulda coulda woulda

Thank you for getting my alternative language versus my self defeating should mantra

I will be this into action straight away

I learned that I should not be so hard on myself, perhaps break down a task into little bits through out the day, or ask for help

It was a feeling of relief to hear someone else offer options to replace the ‘should’ pattern engrained from childhood.

Am putting them into practice today for my peace of mind and self respect 😊

A chronic offender of shoulda woulda coulda

Thanks for opening my eyes to the deeper meaning of this habit

I want more

I loved this and it was a nice perspective on expectations. I would love more on this topic

When things aren’t meeting expectations I think about shoulda coulda woulda then shit

This creates a sense of not enough. I plan on trying to accept things more that I am powerless to change.

Lovely

Thanks. It was soothing and practical! Would love to meditate more on the topic

Realization

I’m always telling myself that I should go outside to exercise, or I should do more school-related work, for I’m afraid that I’m not living up to my own expectations. I realize that it’s taking up so much of my life. I don’t even get to be the person who I want to be anymore. These shoulds dominate what I “should” do in a day. Instead of telling myself that I should do something, I’m going to ask myself why? Why am I doing this? Who am I doing it for?

Yes, more please!!

I’m big on being my worst own critic and I never feel content. I desperately want to change it but don’t know how

Working on behavioral change...

As self-aware as I am forced to be, I need to be better about the words that I say to myself or out loud because I know that the power of my voice is enough to stop me in my tracks, as far as chores or other actions I can directly link to trauma and experiences leading to Post Traumatic Stress Injury. These two experiences are enough to make me completely paralyzed with the feelings that they review within me. I have to use my voice very firmly to tell myself that I am safe, that I can only use a certain amount of dishes so that I’m not completely overwhelmed with the stress and memories that particular chore creates within me. I’m going to use my voice to tell myself that I am not surrounded by water, that I’m safe and that I have my cell phone if I ever feel extremely endangered, such as having an aura before a seizure. I know how they feel, so they’re a clue. I can do this, I believe in me.

Shoulds may be the authentic me trying to express myself but possibly worried about how big the changes I need to make may be

I can replace “should” with “it would be nice if” and this way I look at it with a more positive outlook and see it less challenging or harmful to do this things I once told myself I “should” do! Great session!!!

Reframing shoulds

I know that I hold myself to really high standards bc I think that's what others expect from me. I know that my shoulds control me. :( I want to learn to be more present. I need to practice being here now.

Chang

Changing “should” to a positive word, to a positive thought, takes away the negativity that lingers long after you’ve stopped talking.

Changing

“It’s to intimidating to take on this change” really resonated with that. I want to do the thing, I want to improve but the intimidation stay present. Thank you for this awesome session

Would love more sessions on this topic to keep the momentum. Very helpful!

I learned that I have more negative thoughts about my self than I realized.