Loneliness...
I’m giving myself a hug because it’s the kind that I would like and there isn’t anyone nearby who cares about giving me one. So I gave myself exactly the kind of hug I would want from someone who loves me. Hugs were used as humiliating punishments, so it’s by the fact that I’m an Aspie that I ever want hugs at all, but I do, so I give myself the hugs that I would still want to receive. I owe my mother nothing, she owes me everything.