Listen Your Way to a Deeper Relationship

3 Min
Life Coaching
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Matthew Adams
Embody Your Potential
The key to deeper relationships is in listening. Try out this simple, effective strategy for cultivating deep and meaningful relationships.
From the community
86 reflections
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Daniel
Conversations
Listen carefully & ask questions before telling your own experiences
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Tammy
Listening
Great ideas on how to truly listen. I find myself always looking to add to the conversation. By actively listening it is truly all about them! I bet I will really find out so much more about the true person. Thanks for the advice.
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Steve
Importance of understanding
I continue to forget about the importance of listening, with the sole intent of understanding the other party. Will continue to practice.
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Skyler
Meeting new people
I learned to listen not only to just reply, but to understand. You only realize how many people actually want to speak when you give them the opportunity to by asking more questions. Get to know someone by inquiring more and being interested.
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Ilene
Day 2
I was taught that letting the other person helps you and the person cause they talk about things maybe someone wouldn’t ask and you get t know more about them
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Corey
Thank you
This one made sense. I so often want to share my experience within a conversation with someone. It's important to listen to hear and understand. I will try to implement this tact into my daily life. It's important for me to listen and truly understand what's being said, sometimes it's not always what's meant. Listening can be the best Medicine for a friend or loved one. Thank you!
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Laila
Two ears to listen twice as much
I learned that I need to practice hearing others and what they are telling me instead of overlaying their words with my input on the situation. I need to be a better listener and inquire more about others.
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Brittany
Listen
Active listening will help build relationships. Really engage with the other person and show you care about what they have to say. Refrain from talking about yourself unless asked.
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Amy
Eyeopening
I’ve never noticed how I always tend to butt in with my own stories in the middle of someone else’s story until now...and I just found it really eyeopening.
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Mk
Listening.
I wait my turn to talk. Going forward I will ask more and listen more. My talking and filling in the gaps hasn’t helped me as I’d liked it to have. But I’ve learned the hard way from it.
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Kevin
Something to try
I feel like I just never take the time to listen to people, and I’ve never really stopped to think about it until now. I feel that it’s going be a challenge to learn to listen instead of just focusing on what I have to say. However I hopefully will be more aware of this in future.
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Matthew
I feel like I do ask about them but I always end up talking about myself a lot more than I should be
I learned that I should talk about them more But sometimes I have a hard time asking. How would you ask someone to tell them more about them selves.
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Angel
Listen to Others and pay attention
To think about others and help them in their needs ask more about them instead of you. Then come back to you but about them
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Natalie
Listening
It’s time to stop giving my input on everything and start listening to other people’s . Instead of throwing my opinion I should listen to other people’s to learn how they feel on the subject so maybe I can learn more about them rather then seeing something that I already knew about myself
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Iris
Great stuff 💪🏽
Instead of constantly looking to add my experiences or opinions, I have to learn to ask more questions. Let it be about them.
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Dawn
Helpful and relaxing
I learned that I need to listen to people when they are talking. I know it sounds basic and implicit but with anxiety, I’m usually focused on saying the right thing or what I need to say. This story provided a nice lesson.
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Madison
Relationships
I learned ways to ask more in depth questions to develop connections with those around me
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Marlane
Fitting in
I learned that fitting in isn’t the same as when you’re in your 20’s 30’s 40’s and 50 years of age. I guess it shouldn’t matter how old you are. What matters is:: ???
Ko
King of kings
Never leave the one you love
Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like going up and leave you for the one they love ...
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Cyndee
Listening
I’ve noticed how listening to someone’s thoughts or stories makes me want to share my thoughts and experiences. I know that when I’m interrupted during a response to a direct question I tend to lose that train of thought, so I should consider that when someone else is speaking. Other times I’m the listener and enjoy the experience of someone sharing something personal and interesting. Conversation is a art of sorts. I’m constantly in conversations at work and I find that I’m very open to some and want to run away from others.
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Yakcel
Listening
I learned on how to connect better with a relationship and how to listen:))
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Kara
sadness
I learned that thinking about my happy place can help me be calm.
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Cierra
1/22/18
Having a deeper connection and listening shows more genuine care.
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Susie
listening
I found this session extremely helpful. I learned that when I'm holding a conversation with someone, I'm hearing them but, my mind constantly wanders. That is something I need to work on.
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Elisabeth
Easier said than done
I often talk a lot more than I listen. I will try to relate to an individual’s experiences and create common grounds. However, I will learn more and build healthier relationships when I listen without any intention, other than hearing what they have to say.
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Belinda
Wow!! It is exactly what I always try my best to do in a conversation.
Most of the time people say don’t ask anything about me but I get to know about their whole life.
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Kat
Asking questions for chit chat
I have long had problems with small talk, never knowing what say in those moments, or how to respond when meeting new people. I usually feel awkward during those moments. I greatly appreciate the idea of asking simple questions about my companions during those times and listening to what they have to say rather than coming up with my own comments. Listening to what others think and how they feel about a situation can improve our relationship: be that friendship, time at work, what-have-you. I look forward to trying out these suggestions.
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Tuscany
Deeper listening and understanding
In order to strengthen relationships, engage fully in listening to the other person. Hear. Understand. Ask questions. Do not relate to your own experiences just yet, allow them to want to. When first meeting people use them as the main subject of conversation and find out more about why they are who they are, once again ask questions! Then you’ll feel more comfortable sharing when the time comes for yourself
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Kristen
Listening to truly hear & learn.....
rather than listening to respond. This is one of the 1st things you learn when you take any sort of Coaching Class as it builds trust & if you struggle to remember names, this is a good tool to remember! However, I believe each situation is different, just like the person. Some people I’ve worked with wanted to know that I truly understood their situation & could honestly empathize with them. So definitely try to listen more, unless the person wants you to tell them more about your background so they know that you can actually help them.
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Lily
Asking more questions to make it more about them then myself
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Nikki
Listen
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Ess
7-31-19
I learned that giving another person the chance to speak helps relationships to grow better. Speaking is something we all want to do, but sometimes it’s just better to listen.
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Lydia
Relationships
I felt this was a good reminder that it is okay to just sit back and listen to another person’s story instead of trying to convey how awesome of a person I am.
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Dea
Listen to Hear
I learned that it is good to listen to others before you talk about yourself and your problems... If I want to help, to understand, to have deeper thoughts I have to listen first, think and then talk. Never interrupt someone in the middle of a talking and never talk without thinking if you want to succeed!
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Brittany
Day One
I learned that I need to focus on clearing my mind. My mind began to wonder and I had to refocus and remove the distraction
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Laurie
Relationships
I learned that we all need to listen first and then engage in deeper understanding of the other person.
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Amanda
Listening to understand instead of to talk!
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David
Listen twice as you speak
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Chris
One must listen in order to understand another and once you understand another you can begin to build the relationship
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Caitlyn
To listen to hear and understand, not to respond. Ask yourself, what are they telling me? What else do I want to know?
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Caoimhe
To not focus on me so much, but to stop and let silence speak words
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Alex
Keys to better intentional listening
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Jay
To genuinely listen more
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Genesis
To make deep connections one needs to practice the art of listening. Rather than staring a conversation with who I am I should ask the other persone who they are and follow up with questions
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Gulfeshan
That one can be at a good relationship by being a good listener and asking questions to understand the person.
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Tamara
A better way to make conversation
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Kathleen
Compassionate listening
I have noticed in my life at times when I don’t feel like talking about myself I ask more questions about the other person. I do not consider this compassionate listening. I am going to work on this. While typing this and thinking, I notice that I compare a lot. I would like to do less of comparing or relating to other people’s emotions. I just want to hear what they are saying. Sometimes when someone compares or tries to relate to me, I find it frustrating because I feel I am not being heard. It makes me feel that how I feel is being minimized. I need to rethink how I react to comparison and relating but I also need to be aware of when I am doing it. I am going to think more about compassionate listening and try to implement it in my everyday.
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Malaya
To ask more questions about other people and not make conversations about myself just for the sake of having some input.
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Lourdes
to listen more
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Sharon
To breathe and relax
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Reese
Listen
Talking isn’t the way to a deeper relationship but to listen
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Heather
Listen and Learn
Listening gives others much needed confidence in themselves. It is rewarding to help others feel good about themselves. The added benefit is learning more about that person so you understand them better.
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Whitney Pooh
Developing relationship
I learned to ask questions of interest to the other person . Listen to understand not to hear . Why and what’s when learning more about them. Instead of sharing what you went through ask them how they feel or what inspire them so that we may understand each other better
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Stephanie
8/25/19
Today I woke up not knowing what I needed, but knowing that I needed something that myself couldn’t provide. I learned that when I feel like that, what I need is meditation.
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Jennifer
Listen
I am always willing to tell about myself, yet I don’t feel very deep relationships with most people who I meet. This turned over a new leaf of how to get deeper in relationships and make other feel importance in their lives also!
G
Gloria
Escucha no oigas.
Aprendí que escuchar es la clave del éxito. Que para tener relaciones más conectadas a ti, tienes que aprender a llevar una comunicación en base a escuchar y hacerle saber a la otra persona que estás escuchando.
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Heather
Listening
I learned that listening leads to deeper relationships and connections, but, being a therapist I already know this. I find myself doing it way too often and making many of even my personal relationships more like that and not opening myself up because in therapy it is one sided. I don’t care what about but I want and need to be listened to as well.
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Ashley
Being Present
Being fully present during an interaction with someone allows them to feel truly valued. Showing genuine interest increases confidence and allows for a deeper more meaningful connection.
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Emily
questions
I learned that it's ok to ask questions and that I should ask more of them. that being wrapped up in yourself for so long is not always the answer.
CR
Crystal Reyes
I learned that they show a way to talk to people in order to have a deeper connection with that
Person or people. I’ll try to use this technique in my family relationships :-). Thank you.
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Becky
Deeper Relationship
I learned that listening more is better than talking so much.
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Emily
Listen vs talking~LOVE THIS
Often, we are conditioned to "talk" to people, when they talk to us...or it's rude. Maybe, starting as kids, if we were conditioned to listen genuinely- as opposed to out of obligation, or politeness-we wouldn't need to TRY to listen instead of TALK!! It would come naturally! Sometimes people just want & need to talk. Not hear your experiences just yet, that will happen!
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Jasmine
What I’ve learned
I learned that communication is key in relationships and not to make it about you but to ask them more questions.
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Matthew
Indeed
Had to make this track my morning Aura after finding a reflection on it in the community section this morning. 1) I've been fostering a new online friendship with a woman I've ”known” for several years on a private FB group, but we only recently became ”Facebook friends”, and we've been having lots of fun learning more about each other one-on-one. She just moved to Texas from Canada and was married to her long-term boyfriend there. She has children on the autism spectrum, something near-and-dear to my heart. Staying open to each other’s stories makes a stronger connection. 2) My middle name is Adam, and ”Matthew Adams”, like this practitioner, is my own mom-de-plume!
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Angie
Listening I don’t listen to hear at all, only listen to talk. Just noticed I do this 100% of the time. Thinking back how selfish & rude I sound to others, that I never noticed before.! Practicing to listen to hear is my new goal.
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Chris
Listening Better
I learned that I need to listen more effectively to convey interest in other people. This will in turn deepen my relationships with them.
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Jonnine
Interruptions
I noticed that I tend to take over the conversations at work and often with family. Not to take about myself but to give my opinion and move the topic on. I think this is a reflection on my perceived lack of time. Moving forward I want to invest my time in active listening. Stop rushing. Give opinion only if asked (or needed for direction at work .. but to give it gently if that is the case). I want to really hear and understand what others have to say.
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Jasen
Listening to understand
These is a key lesson. Listening to understand will always take you farther than listening to respond. Great lesson
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Julie
Genuine Listening
In most cases when we are listening to someone talk, we are waiting for the part to where we can respond. Instead while we are listening to another person our thoughts should be on placing ourselves in their shoes. Letting the conversation be about them. And, then waiting for that right moment to talk about yourself or opinion. When we take a genuine interest in what someone else is saying it helps the person open up more which creates a deeper relationship.
k
katie
I learned that I really need to take a step back
I learned that I really need to take a step back and fully listen when other people are talking to me. I listen most of the time, but sometimes, especially with people that I’m more comfortable with, I tend to zone out or relate the conversation back to myself instead of getting to know others more and connecting with them.
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Lisa
I noticed
I don’t listen to learn, I listen to share. It’s something I’ve noticed in my conversations lately and wondered why it felt like I was usually overtaking the other persons sides of the conversation. This simple lesson is mind blowing!
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Anneira
I felt like I was actually listening, I noticed myself thinking back a lot
I learned that there is a much deeper meaning to listening to someone. Understanding someone begins with listening to them and what they desire/love/want in life. Dive deep! Don’t be afraid to ask them all about it! People generally love talking about things that they love and that will automatically change your relationship with them. They will feel respected and cared about, that is what everyone wants when they are trying to make something with someone they care about. Care, love, respect and loyalty.
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Brittany
Listen
I feel heard I noticed what he said how he reached further into the other person I will pause and listen
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Tracey
Listening your way to a deeper relationship
Wonderful! Such a very important lesson. I wish everyone could listen and understand the importance of this before they get out of bed everyday.
WJ
Walter J
Listening...
Mathew does a great job explaining the importance of listening. It is an excellent skill to develop! People will tend to like you better even if they are not sure why. You can make a lot more friends by listening than you can by talking. And people will think you are really smart because you were interested in the most important subject in the world... them! I would also add, if you can work their name into the “conversation” a couple times it will help you remember it better and they will love you even more!! They say the sweetest sound in any language is a persons name. Have fun, learn more & make a friend simply by listening more... what a great idea! ❤️👂🏼🍀
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Johnny
Socratic Life
It is only by asking questions that we can learn anything about others around us, and by so doing learn more about ourselves. Socrates liked to question everybody constantly. Athenians called him “The Gadfly” because of his persistence. Most people listen only to find a place to speak and insertSomething of value into the conversation. But instead of just waiting to jump in, let’s try to keep the dialogue going by asking questions. We may learn something. Something about those around us and about ourselves and about this beautiful world we all call earth.
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Patrick
Deep
Matthew, I believe you are speaking of “Deep Listening.” You focus on who is speaking. It is never about you.❤️
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Lorë
Listening
I really appreciated hearing this . Sage advice, absolutely essential to better understanding and letting others feel listened to.
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Florina
Invata sa asculți mai mult decât sa vorbești.
Am învățat cat este de importanta atunci când comunici cu cineva sa il asculți pe cel cu care vorbești si sa fi interesat de ceea ce el zice.
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Jae
Amazing
This was an amazing session . I’m all about perspective and i will definitely be practicing this in the near future
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Alex
Saving
I’ll be saving this one! I need to hear this, I mean well, but I interject too often! I feel like I’m always trying to show compassion, so I tend to share my experiences to “show I get how they feel”, but need to realize it’s not necessary.
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Jamie
I felt authentic
I listen well to people about what they are saying because I ask them to explain how it feels!
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Marty
Listen. Ask Questions.
I learned to invest more in a conversation by listening and genuinely digging deeper for more information.
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Michele
Asking questions
I do this a lot...possibly too much for some...only because I am genuinely interested in them. However, the flip side is I don’t always get asked reciprocally. Which makes me wonder...hmmmm not my kind of person. Hence move on...it can eliminate those who only think of themselves and what they have to say!
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Jesse
Convos
I noticed that I only engage in are the ones that I need to have control over. I often don’t listen and people notice it. I lose focus or interest and my facial expressions are obvious
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Andria
Deeper relationship
I learned that I need to ask more about the individual and not add with my own experiences