I'm not doing well.
Today was supposed to be a good day. I had an event I've been waiting for, an art event. But instead it sent me really right back into that anxious sea. I know exactly where this anxiety is coming from but that still doesn't help it to go away. I had a meeting with someone I house sat for about money. During the meeting (more of a friendly chat to be completely honest) we made conversation, of course, but between each subject there was such an uncomfortable silence. I didn't even notice it until my mom pointed it out. That started me thinking what if it was because of me, what did I do wrong? Then this evening at the event, I saw a man that was in a play that I just finished working on. He was there with his wife and when I saw them, I called his name so that I could say hello. Now my voice did come out a little louder and more high pitched than I meant it to and my mom made a comment (jokingly): "did you hear her shriek your name". I didn't think I did but that comment kind of threw me off even though I know there was probably no hurtful or embarrassing intent. During our brief interaction, I couldn't help but get the feeling that he and his wife couldn't wait to get away from the conversation. I don't think I did anything to insult them. I hope not. But now I'm in this anxious spiral of feeling like no one at my theater actually likes me, and they're just putting up with me, waiting for me to leave. I don't honestly think that's true, but I really don't know what to do. If anyone actually read all this do you have any advice? I don't have any close friends to talk to about this or else I would. Please help.
