Noticing’s
Text Leah hard to put into words will just happen for me. I’ve been holding onto some pain, hurt that I feel others have caused me. Which honestly I don’t normally do. Most of my life I’ve been able to let things go pretty easily last for years I have not. And because of that he’s holding onto resentment and hostility and pain I’ve lost myself I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, I even forgot with the forest look like. As I listen and I felt and I opened some healing took place I’ve never been with one much for forgiveness so long story and it doesn’t have really to do without I don’t believe in it I just have looked at it differently than most. I haven’t felt that I’ve needed to forgive. And I really haven’t in the past. Because things that of happened in my life weren’t necessarily about me they were about the other individual so I didn’t hold onto hurt or pain or resentment but this time I wasn’t able to do that. And in listening and an opening I started to forgive. I started to forgive myself for the things I’ve done that I wish I hadn’t. For some of the choices that I made that were painful and hurtful to myself and others. They put me in positions where I lost so much. Is it opened for me to forgive others not so much for the pain he cost me because that was my choice richest so I know that I can love them now that I don’t have to have resentment or anger I don’t have to have them in my life but I don’t have to be mad anymore or hurt. Somethings I wish were different but I can’t change that I can only change me and I can’t change the past I notice. But I wanna move on with my life and I’m stuck until this happens I realize that today I think I knew a little bit of it all along but I wasn’t ready. I can forgive myself for the choices I made, for the places I put myself for the things I’ve said and done to those that I’ve Loved that I still love. For me forgiveness is like an amend I have to be changes or almost doesn’t count I think that’s why I have always struggled with forgiveness because I felt like it was used as an excuse for many . But I realize I can’t worry what others do I can only worry what I do in my forgiveness I make change. I have to put action in place so that I don’t continue to make the same mistakes over and over again or the forgiveness is a little consequence really at least for me. I’m not perfect I never will be no do I want to be. I am perfect in my imperfection. I am a amazing beautiful inside and out human being. I finally love myself and what that means. But I’m continually moving forward and trying to be an even better me and sometimes it hurts. But the joy and freedom that I want to feel in my life is worth it. I want to be love, I want to give love I want to open my heart for myself and others to trust completely. I think this time in my life this piece of forgiveness is a big part of it that’s been missing. It was a wall that I couldn’t see that was stopping me from moving forward. I know there’s probably