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It Matters What You Say

3 Min
Emotional Intelligence
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Dorothy Ratusny
Psychotherapist & Meditation Teacher
Communication is everything. Yet how can you become better at speaking your truth so that you can reveal the true essence of what you need to say - what you must say - without hurting another, without causing damage to a relationship - while still giving yourself a voice - a stand - an opinion?  It matters what you say. In this episode of Life Coaching WISDOM, I share three necessary strategies to help you become more effective in your communication. You can be fully clear and deliberate in your words, whilst still remembering that you are most effective in what you say when you can do so with loving kindness, respect, and care in what you say - and how you say it. Sending you much love,  xo dorothy  Namaste!
From the community
53 reflections
M
Matthew
Some very good advice
A good lesson on communication. Being mostly house-bound these days, my scope for communication is rather limited! Thankfully, my beautiful wife and i, in twenty years together, have an oft-spoken understanding, which keeps real hurt feelings to a bare minimum! Sort of a running gag if you will, we know when things get heated, and we target one another, that it’s because ”you're the only one here for me to be angry with!” We bear the open brunt of each other’s ire, and move right past it, usually acknowledging the situation verbally! Hey! It works for us!🤣
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Susan
Words matter
A pause is a meaningful thing to take for yourself and those with whom you communicate. Why risk your karma or another’s due to impatience. Use time to everyone’s advantage.
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Angel
Healthy relationships
Healthy relationships are essential , I need to maintain healthy relationships that help and encourage me and others with love and Jesus
WJ
Walter J
Speaking...
It really Does matter what we say. We create vibrations with our words, that direct the Universe to start to manifest. God spoke creation into existence thru the Universe according to the Bible, right?! So be careful what you say. Think about it... if you say “I feel great!” You will notice good things going on around you to make you feel great! Tell yourself you are tired or stressed and watch how tired & stressed you (& probably others around you) will become. And please do not say things like “my feet are ‘killing’ me” after standing all day...🙄 I believe the Universe does not understand sarcasm or negatives. For example I hear people say “ I don’t want to get sick”. (Ouch!) 1) The Universe does not understand negatives (it is always moving positively forward to a more completed, more fully expressed state) all it would hear is “I want to get sick” oops! Not what you meant, but what It heard you Say! 2) Besides “don’t get sick” is actually a double negative or a ‘no-no’ - Vibrationally, It feels your fearful vibration of sickness & starts to create that which you “don’t” want! 3) Instead, it is better to say it in a positive way “I want to stay healthy”! Now it feels your happy vibration of health & goes to work manifesting health for you! As for me, I enjoy striving to Speak (only) Loving, Truth-full, Law-full, Positive & Creative words! Please join me as we change the world for the better. Thanks! ❤️☮️🍀
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Kathy
Unspoken
Communication can be loving and kind. It can also be painfully harmful and hurtful. Body language communication often tells you everything you need to know. At times such as these, my belief is that it is best to move out of or away from the situation until there has been a noticeable visible change. Then communicating will be easier, calmer and much more effective. If you wish to be heard properly, wait until the other is able to listen. Conversation will definitely be more appropriate and work out better for all concerned.
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Cheri
I spoke my frustration
And it only made me feel guilty & ashamed. Perhaps those feelings came first. I attributed the cause of my feelings to the situation, when I know in my heart that my feelings were just a way to communicate to me that my thinking about the situation was incorrect.
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Jaro
Only my condemnation injuries me.
My condemnation keeps my vision dark. And through my sightless eyes I cannot see the vision of my glory. Yet today I can behold this glory and be glad.
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Mary
Expressing Communication
This was very useful with the understanding in how to open up and express oneself with written communicate when it's relating to self-forgiveness to oneself.
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Erin
It matters what we say
Let our voices be here & stand up for our self & advocate our self control your self & no one can’t tell you what do
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Olivia
Communication
As someone who suppressed inner thoughts constantly, this was an excellent session for me to listen to. There is always a healthy way to speak your truth respectfully.
A
Ariadne
The value of Silence
I learned that sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Sometimes it is better to step away from a situation, rather than saying something in a moment of being clouded by anxiety, rage or another emotion.
A
Alicia
I felt
So much truth that I needed to hear. Something I needed to realize for me and to share with others who need to hear it. Never wanted the audio to end!
A
Alex
communicate
i learned to communicate my feelings out to others i trust. you can’t bottle up all of your feelings and just say that you don’t know what’s going on, when you really go.
m
meadow
boring
i drifted away so easily, i found that it was quite boring, but that is just my experience and heaps of people like it so.
A
Alexis
Words mean everything
I learned that Communication is key 🔐 Think before you speak 🗣 Relationships are built on trust & that start with communicating ❤️
D
Demi
Resonates with me so much
I had read my horoscope right before this and said something similar. I really needed this. Now time for action. 💕✨
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Danielle
Words cut deep
I have hurt many people that I love with my words, I have uplifted people that I love and also strangers just by speaking words out of my mouth that are positive and true. I have been hurt tremendously by words and I have also been uplifted and inspired by words. This meditation although short was very inspiring and eye-opening. It helped me to visualize with my eyes closed actual words I’ve said to my mother that hurt her actual words I’ve said to my boyfriend that hurt him and words I’ve said my children that have hurt their feelings. I am going to make a conscious effort to say more positive words and to treat those around me especially those I hold close as I would treat myself. A lot of times we are nicer to strangers than to our family or our lovers or our spouse because we know that those close to us will probably still love us even though we hurt them, but a stranger would never tolerate that because there is no emotional connection. It’s something to think about and to be conscious of.
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Mavi
Self esteem
I think that everybody needs to listen to these words every single day. Sometimes our lives drive us crazy and we need to stop for a while and remind that everything has a meaning, remind about life’s beauty.
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Desiree
communication
I have a hard time communicating what I am feeling. my words fall on deaf ears because the is anger fueling how I communicate.
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Lorraine
I always hold back or regret committing, especially with strangers
I have learned that I'm not a loner I'm just afraid to communicate and that I can work on my communication skills
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Spencer
Communication
I have realized that in my romantic relationships I tend to not say how I feel until the problem overwhelms me. Then it turns into such a big thing, and I feel bad for not saying something before it blew up. I’ve been working on it, but at times I still don’t say anything because of the fear of hurting the other person.
j
jess♥️
Communication
I learnt that communicating is important, when you are saying something positive and/or negative. We have to always think before we speak as things we say or do may hurt people we care about.
b
brooke
wisdom
I learned to think about what to say and how it could effect the other person
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Joanne
controle of what I say.
Be In the moment. Speak and think before speaking or decite to be silent.
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Disha
communication
i noticed i usually dont communicate what i feel or i want correctly with my partner or anybody around but instead expect them to get it. and when it doesnt happen that way i tend to take it out with rage and anger . i learned i have to start communicating my feelings without disguising them or sugarcoating them or even hiding them at first and maybe communication will get stronger and thus the relationships.
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Mallory
Make it bettwe
One line that stuck out to me was that most times we speak in order to add to a conversation or situation and make it better. This gave me something to reflect on before I actually speak. Am what I contributing actually bettering the situation? If not, maybe I should reframe or rethink my inclination.
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Susan
It Matters What You Say
Thank you for reminding me that I have a truth that needs to be spoken. This has become an issue again with my in-laws this week. I have only spoken my truth about this to my husband, friends and family. Now I am aware that I need to speak to them. I am sure it will not change things but I will feel better. Speak your truth in love.
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Dan
Acceptance
Sometimes holding your tongue is for the best, and sometimes Communication is required for progression
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Deana
It didn’t help
I didn’t feel like I learned anything from this session. I don’t believe it was helping clarify my problem.
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Deddrick
Change on my mind
I learned that by change being a constant in life, I should find pleasure in it by making better changes. I understand that small steps are necessary and accomplishment is rewarded in results. Keep changing for the better is a life goal
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saga
just right
This is exactly what i needed to hear at this very point in my life and my relationships without even knowing what i pressed to hear
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alicieeannah
it matters what you say
I actualkt feel like this was just connecting to how I'm feeling right now. I do want a voice and I might say things that hurt to tie hrs out of anger but it is only because I am suffering and hurting. my voice is being taken away from me, and j feel I need to give it out to others in the form of breaking relationships but thanks to this.. ive found something that helps
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Debb
Words Matter
Dorothy has packed lots of wisdom in this 4 minute life coaching session. One of the many highlights for me was the importance of speaking our truth without hurting another/others. In a world in which we are far more connected than any other time in history, I think that it is critically important to learn to speak our truth whilst being mindful of the affect our words have on others.
b
briseida
Day 1
I learned that my feelings and emotions matter. but I should still be cautious of what my words can do to others. just how others can hurt me. but I deserve a voice.
A
Andrea
Words
I need to be more careful with my words and stop holding things in so much
A
Alex
Great
Do yourself a favor and listen to the full 12 minutes. Dorothy packed in some great wisdom in this. I have to stop and think about my intentions and needs many times with my ex wife and decide when to just let things go. Many times I write out my frustrations but never send them to her but rather collect my more clear thoughts after calming down. Understanding and having more clear expectations help me get through
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Cherish
One Word at a Time
The way in which we communicate with others can be a blessing or a curse. For example, we can uplift and inspire others with our words or our words can degrade and break down others. It truly matters what we say! Dorothy says when we communicate, it should be done so with loving kindness and understanding. By communicating with loving kindness and understanding, we try our hardest to not hurt another’s feelings. When we are being communicated to, we may hear words that stir our pot. In those cases, it is imperative to not respond in anger or any other negative emotion, as responding while feeling these negative emotions will taint only our words and result in hurt feelings all around. Moreover, we may not agree with what the other(s) are communicating, but it is good to understand their intent, their perspective. By seeing from a different perspective, we can see all sides. We may even reveal some limiting beliefs about ourselves that we didn’t realize before. In this case, we can and will grow as a person. Indeed, when we communicate with kindness, fairness and compassion, we will effectively be teaching others how to treat us. By thinking about what our needs and wants are and conveying those, by listening to and understanding different perspectives and by honoring our words by being thoughtful are all ways in which we will become more effective communicators. By becoming more effective communicators, we will become the change we want to see in the world, one word at a time! Namaste 🙏🏻❤️☮️
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Steve
Very relevant.
This session didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know deep down, but still resonated with me as an area of my life that needs more attention and cultivation. I still don’t understand how to state my needs effectively before I am frustrated, which leads to my miscommunication them or stating them in a tone I really don’t mean. Of course, that tone is met with frustration and sometimes anger, so my needs again take a backseat to my attempts to resolve the argument in the present. And so I continue the journey...I will figure this out.
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Lindsey
Softness
It is true how even the worst things said with kindness and love are easier heard. I keep reminding myself to be softer but still speak.
A
Alex
Learning to communicate
So important to be able to express oneself and truly communicate. It’s a constant learning process and sometimes the timing of the effort is everything.
ES
ERIN Sinclair
It matters what you say
My best friend is not talking to me She won’t let me have a say about it she really hurt me
C
Chinedum
Love
I learned that in all the way to correct someone is with love because that way you also heal from the pain caused to you
M
Michael
Communication
I wish I could go back in time to contribute this to my previous relationship. It's what led to the downfall, and there's nothing I can do about it now. This is so important. It's life-altering. I so wish I had heard this 6 months ago...
r
rachel
i feel i tend to blurt out whatever is on my mind hurtful or not
i learned that i need to take time before i speak what’s on my mind
T
Trevor
Communication w/ self-reflection
I learned to analyze the emotion you feel from the words of others. I feel I am pretty good about communicating in a positive manner through difficult interactions but I rarely reflect on why their words made me feel a certain emotion.
g
grace
words
my words have meaning and have the ability to help or hurt others. i should think before i speak or text.
WJ
Walter J
Listening ...
Communication is a two way street. Being able to listen & really hear the other person is a wonderful skill to develop and just as important as being able to properly express to others what you are truly feeling & want. Thankfully my 18+ years of being active with Toastmasters.org has given me plenty of opportunity to learn how to be both a more effective communicator & better listener. Listening to the longer meditation this time, I heard Dorothy share a Nugget about how we should investigate our feelings when someone says something that unnerves us. Instead of getting angry & re-acting in a negative way- we should pause & dig a little deeper to find out why it did not land well with us. Maybe we do need to take note & modify our actions ... or maybe we are just fine and they need to modify theirs. Maybe they were just re-acting to what we said & they let a negative slip out when they should have caught it by pausing to think a moment before re-acting. In our fast paced society it is up to each of us to be the change we want to see. Maybe we should take a hint from the book of James verse 1:19 that Instructs us to: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak & slow to get angry!” If more of us can learn to do this on a regular basis, I know we can grow a happier, more congenial & collaborative society of people helping others for The BOM (Betterment Of Mankind)!! Oops there I go preaching to the choir again... 😉 Namaste my friends, 🗣👂🏼🍀
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Crystal
It matters what you say ..it also matters what you don’t say ...Communication, without it how are relationships even possible? Did we not start by communicating when we met?
A relationship can not be started without communication I mean how does one even meet or get to know or fall In love?? so ..why does one think it can possibly be maintained and kept without communicating?? We have to speak our truths, communicate our thoughts and feelings as we think and feel them ...otherwise who are you ..do I even know you? Do you know me or even care to, and do I even know you?
Y
Yvette
Ok feel unheard not appreciated
I learned that it’s important to communicate how I’m feeling in a way that gives me voice without hurting others.
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Glenn
Duality
I have learned that as important as it is to have a voice and express yourself, your emotions. It is equally important to allow others to have their voice, and be heard.🙏
s
sue
What you say matters!!!
Listen to daily. In the morning. Reminds me that I can talk without emotion and frustration! I can choose to encourage or empathize!
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HonneyJo
It matters what you say......
I have a difficult time saying exactly how I feel because I’m always concerned that I’ll hurt or upset the listener when it is very important.
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Mieka
It maters what you say
I heard an analogy once…words can be like nails getting pounded into a fence. You can apologize and remove the nail, but the damage to the fence will always remain. Words matter. (wether you are the one speaking or listening)