I realized my trauma at elementary school.
How strong was the emotion and pressure, not feeling enough during exams or the anxiety when I have to talk in front of other people. I relate it to emotions I was feeling while I was going at school. This is why I felt so attracted to the Montessori method. I started to feel sick when the teacher was mean to the children. I felt terrible when I made mistakes while learning. Relation to other situation. I started to turn all those emotions into anger against my mom that didn’t study like my dad. I told her: why papà that is such an intelligent man, decided to marry you that are so ignorant.” My mom said” your dad never said that to me” and run away. I felt so guilty. I think that’s what I do when someone says something to me that hurts: run away and do the wall. Strong feeling that I want to be a strong woman, that studies and travels and is independent. Relationships with guys with issues to demonstrate that I’m not the good one that doesn’t need attention. Sense of abandonment because all the attention was on my brother. Fear of relationships, having a child and a family. Intense feeling of love and heat in my chest when I woke up this morning.