I have lost love
I discovered that meditation has become just another box to check. I used to look forward to it. Now it has become one more thing on the list. And as if that wasn't enough, I have been down on myself all evening. I saw a photo of myself today on Facebook. I was on a ladder pairing scenery for my local theater. I couldn't believe how terrible my body looked. Granted I was already in an awkward position, my ladder was right under a doorway so I was bent to the back and the side to clear it, but then there were my arms. I don't have any delusions about my arms. They aren't great, but I didn't realize they were that bad. I'm scared that I will get into the headspace that I was in a few months ago: self hating, borderline eating disorder, anxiety, and mild depression. I'm really scared, I can't go back there again!