Ego death
I want a mystical experience! I want to surrender! I wanna, wanna! Like a little kid. I yearn for that. Teena, you are a joy, an abundance of love, exceptance. You are a gift. You are a beautiful tiger out there getting what you need and want. But yet, you want to share all of your gifts so we all receive. So unselfish. So strong and proud. So caring. I hope I get there. I can tell how much it's given to you. Through so much hard work, and hard times. I have this boulder I can't let go of. Why? I don't know. I now have words with spirit about it. The rest of my life I'm at complete peace. I don't know what to do. Or I do, but I'm not trying hard enough. I just saw him a few days ago. I'm so different now. I was quiet the entire time. A big sign came flying in my face while we sat one evening. That's how they've always come to me. Something, usually on his phone. Something BIG. There's no denying. He normally talks circles around everything. So that's the only way the universe can send a sign that's undeniable. I don't have to explain. It's just there. Why can I not let go completely? It hurts to think about it. 8 years!! Living separate. His Facebook status has remained single the entire time. The other night, his niece was calling him several times. I said go ahead and answer. Meanwhile she is texting that she's out and a female would like him to join. She's interested. He answers. I'm sitting right there. He handles it in such a way that I'm there so he can't go. Turns out, that's the niece that's hosting Thanksgiving. I spent last Christmas and New Year's with his family, including her. Nightmare. He was grabbing her ass in front of me. I was ignored from the moment I got there. And that's how it's always been when I went to his family functions. So after this happens the other night, it's quite obvious that I'm not going to that girls house that just tried to fix him up with her friend! I fully understand that it's him that's the problem. I read this quote I sent him the other day. It said, it's not social networks that break up relationships. It's acting single on them. So all that HE'S MANIFESTED IS BEING SINGLE. He bought a 16# turkey and said we could make it another day. After the calls and texts about him meeting an interested woman came, that was it. I went inside myself and didn't come out. Not pouting. Just quiet. That's where I stayed. Until I got back here to my place. I'm grounded and calm here. I love it here. What do I do Teena????? I love you. I just can't quite get the last 2 steps out of this quicksand. Help me please!! ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐